There is a calmness that can settle over one when they feel truly loved
Inside and out
When they feel understood
Reminds me a bit of that blissful sense one gets right after an awesome orgasm
Both different but so wonderful of their own accord
Brad came over today for a few hours while the kiddo’s where at school. I’d be hard pressed to think of a more beautiful morning. The kids let me sleep in which was fortunate since Lexi had me up a lot of the night (poor thing). I leisurely got up, straightened up a bit, had my morning coffee (enema that is), started breakfast, showered calmly and just felt so relaxed and at peace.
Even when Brad got there and tried coming into the bathroom before I was done getting ready it didn’t fluster me at all. I just smiled and told him to wait.
I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard in bed with a man that I almost pee’d. I try not to wonder what the future holds. I try not to worry about where things will go. How things will continue. I just try to enjoy the time we get together.
I’m also trying to be mindful of red flags. Like why does he like me doing so much CBT always? Every time we see each other. Don’t get me wrong. I usually end up getting into it and giggling like a school girl but for me it isn’t always necessary or desired. Is he too sexual for me?
He does take testosterone and I know how much sex helps with anxiety. I’m not trying to find faults though. Just trying to make sure I don’t get blindsided by anything that I should be alerted to. Hard to do realistically and still let yourself fall. I suppose time is the main criteria to confirm trust and continuity. That is after all times purpose isn’t it. A marker for past present future.
But….. I kind of just want to give myself over to it. I don’t want a stop-gate. I don’t want distractions and deterrents. I just want to keep enjoying the moments. I just want to suck it all up. Like one of those Mexican apricot (or are they prune) pit candies. I haven’t had one of those in years. I’ve got to get some next time I go to the Mexican market. Simple childhood happiness. Why not? Spicy? Sweet? Mmmmmmmmmmmm. All good.