Just kidding. Actually I cried and he passed out.
Preface: I had asked that he not play with himself for the few days before we saw each other. He could not abstain but instead of a discussion or renegotiation stating his desires or lack of willpower he simply did as he wanted to. While I appreciated the honesty of his transparency with not following orders I was pissed. I recognize it is his body, it is readily available to him and there is no harm in what he did.
BUT he had agreed to my terms and then simply not followed through; which essentially made his word to me useless and there is nothing more important to me than trust and how you do one thing is how you do all things…. as far as I’m concerned.
So his punishment was no sex. I refused to touch him in any sexual manner, after all what did he need me for? Lol. When he tried to have sex with me I made it fairly unbearable to where he stopped. This then prompted a very serious conversation which I think cemented my feelings surrounding trust and made it clear it wasn’t what he did but how he went about doing it. I am after all ever understanding but while what a lot of what we do is fun and games his word is still his word and it means something to me…. regardless. And this instance, not playing with himself, was not something I could give a pass to because it was completely under his control.
He did not like the punishment, maybe he thought it would have gotten him funishment. Hopefully he learned that lesson because trust is not a lesson I will repeatedly give. Either it is established or this relationship will fail. It’s an all or nothing for me in that regards.
So now to the good stuff.
I hadn’t slept well the first night because I drank too much and had a fitful night. So by the time we got around to playing the second night I was rather uselessly tired. He took control and boy did he. He pushed me right to the edge of fear and it’s a strange combination of not really liking being treated this way and yet also being excited by it. It’s a mix of wanting to please him and follow his commands and yet not understanding it, not even understanding my own reactions to it really.
Afterwards when I was laying in his arms he asked me why I cried and if it went back to my childhood and I couldn’t recall. I don’t really think so. I know I’ve blocked out a lot but most of the abuse suffered specifically at the hands of my uncle was actually quite tender; even though completely inappropriate. The things Brad does to me no one has ever done and especially not as aggressively as he does them and it scares me. Do I like it? Do I? I do. I think. Right? After all I don’t like just vanilla and I don’t like just Domming so essentially I am giving him control and learning to enjoy how he wants to do that…. and it’s scary yet liberating, yet scary. Lol
So then after a bit of rest I was gently coaxed into my own subdued control. No outfit changes. No serious build-up. It started calmly with me just playing with his balls and his responses just do something to me. Arouse me deeply. Next thing I knew I was on top of him his feet splayed and tied to the bedframe. His hands tied above his head, a ball gag in his mouth, full mask on his head, his balls and cock strapped. I was just starting to get into a grove and pressing his pain higher and higher.
I was trying to see just how far I could go and then also thinking of new things to do. He is always so creative and I need to expand myself. But right as I was formulating a plan he gives me a safeword…. actually a slew of them since we never established one. So I immediately stopped and started laughing hysterically at the barrage of silly non-sequential words coming from his mouth. I laid myself on top of him and gently held his balls in my hand and then instead of writhing he immediately went eerily calm with his eyes closed. I listened to his breathing which was not shallow, yet not hyperventilating. I took off his mask and watched him intently. I wondered if it would be best to have smelling salts on hand for next time. About a minute past before his eyes fluttered and he popped back.
Mental note that the ties on his cock and balls make them hypersensitive. Lol. Te he he.
Later that night he rode me through the longest orgasm I’ve ever had. It just went on and on and with every push he gave ebbed me further like a gentle wave, not explosive but so fucking enjoyable.
He sometimes says things to me during sex that outside of play would be construed as toxic and dangerous. Things no girl expects to hear ever; even within the confines of sex. Things which completely shock and yet utterly tantalize me. Makes me aware of how much of a deviant I truly am and how much I love to play.