My mother says I am high maintenance. She’s right. I am emotionally and sexually very high maintenance which juxtaposes the fact that I also need a lot of space and autonomy.

I think I’ve alluded that I have not been having sex. Maybe not so much alluded as simply not been open about it. I’ve had two STD tests in the last 6 months. If that is any indicator. But….I’m over it. Sex is not satisfying anymore. 20 years ago sex was just sex and it felt good and I wanted it all the time. Not that I had it all the time but I did have my fair share of just lovers.

No matter how I try it isn’t working now. Either I need a deeper emotional connection or I need to get more sensitivity into my nethers. Soooo. To that goal I will be doing a few things. First I’m going to go see about those damn clit rings next week. If I can get them in and I don’t see an improvement then I’m going to get a tens unit. From all I’ve read those things can heal nerve damage and they aren’t terribly expensive.

The clit ring will put me out sexually for 2 months while it heals. Sooo that will give me time to meet people and not just jump in the sac. It’s weird because I am not sure where to start anymore. It is equally important to me to be sexually, emotionally, socially and intellectually compatible. I can fall madly in love on paper and not have an inkling of chemistry….or vise versa. I can adore being sexual with someone and not have enough in common beyond that which makes it hard to relate.

It should not be this difficult!!! It really shouldn’t…. but alas it is.


Politics (family separation)

Here is what I don’t understand about being inhumane in our global politics.

Does anyone really think we can be so cruel and not suffer repercussions? If we detrimentally hurt these people (think Guantanamo and Benghazi to not go too far back) aren’t we in essence creating more terrorists. More people that will in all likelihood hold us accountable as a country and as a people. The more cruel we are the more incentive we give people to not give a fuck, the more we kill off their own humanity and that in turn creates more “monsters”. I’m just being logical here I think.

I don’t care what side you are on. Humane treatment is not only ideal, it is necessary and frankly I would rather die with kindness and love in my heart than bitterness, anger, hatred and cruelty.

The way I see it; hatred is lazy. Anger is lazy. Bitterness is lazy. It’s self indulgent. It’s an easy switch to default to. If you let yourself get too far the road back may seem almost impossible. But love…. love is all around if you just open up to it. That was my prayer this morning. God I accept all the love given to me. All of it and i thank you for it. May God bless you all as well.

Embrace the love!!!

“Not afraid” – Eminem

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

26 thoughts on “Needy”

  1. Is it funny that I dream up all these scenarios in my head of being married again and leading a wild lifestyle where we incorporate sexual with others routinely and yet if you were my husband I would be blood red with jealousy at the intimate longing you inspire within others.


  2. I think it could very well be the fact that you need a deeper, emotional connection. I know, for me, I need the passion and that deep connection in order to be satisfied. It is not enough to just have sex. There has to be something to it, and that takes time. Of course, I’m probably just a different breed of man, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I look deep into your eyes as you thrust into me… hoping to find you. Hoping to find me in you. I sense the longing. I sense the need. Is it in you or in me? Both maybe? But there is a deep gap still between us. There is something missing. Something deeper than flesh. More meaningful than an orgasm. And without it this just becomes meaningless. One more dalliance on the path to finding what will truly be fulfilling.

      (Ever inspiring AC).


      1. Is it funny that I dream up all these scenarios in my head of being married again and leading a wild lifestyle where we incorporate sexual with others routinely and yet if you were my husband I would be blood red with jealousy at the intimate longing you inspire within others.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Funny thing is, all I want is to be accepted for who I am, all facets, sensual and otherwise. I think in the right setting, it wouldn’t matter if I inspired longing in others, as long as she knew I was coming home to her. Does that make sense?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I always say and many people can confirm this… that divorce is hell. That is a true statement. And yet sometimes I think back to my marriage and it was hell (for me) and yet I also long for that intimacy again. I’ve had that intimacy in not so toxic environment. I hope… for your sake it isn’t toxic. Right? If it’s mostly good. We can make some allowances; some compromises. Right?


      4. Sometimes when people are angry, resentful or scared they hold back on telling you what they are living; what they are truly seeing. Sometimes they just can’t bare the honesty. Hey… don’t ask me. It’s a supposition I’ve seen is all. It just doesn’t mean they don’t see. Try emotional based therapy or couples activities you both deeply enjoy. Try to connect. It’s a short fucking life to be miserable in it.


      5. It’s obviously part of you. It may even be part of the intimate longing you bring back to your wife. But to think that you unlock that key for other people. Sex is after all just sex without true intimacy. But intimacy is always intimacy. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey CC,

      I think the horizontal hood or triangle is suppose to be the most effective. I’ve heard stories of women getting aroused just from tight jeans having them in. I went to the best piercer in Portland and he said I don’t have the anatomy for it, so I’m going to try the best piercer in Salem. See if she can do it. Some clit rings are simply for aesthetics. I think tattoos and piercing look awesome on other people, but it isn’t my thing really. I consider this medically necessary at this point. lol

      Do you have any?


      1. I am still trying to find the right type of bling for my thing. Lol. But it’s fun that is for sure. I think it depends on how your bits sit as to whether you get the right jeans thing happening. I dont. All my bits are all tucked in so I think that’s why


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