My mother says I am high maintenance. She’s right. I am emotionally and sexually very high maintenance which juxtaposes the fact that I also need a lot of space and autonomy.
I think I’ve alluded that I have not been having sex. Maybe not so much alluded as simply not been open about it. I’ve had two STD tests in the last 6 months. If that is any indicator. But….I’m over it. Sex is not satisfying anymore. 20 years ago sex was just sex and it felt good and I wanted it all the time. Not that I had it all the time but I did have my fair share of just lovers.
No matter how I try it isn’t working now. Either I need a deeper emotional connection or I need to get more sensitivity into my nethers. Soooo. To that goal I will be doing a few things. First I’m going to go see about those damn clit rings next week. If I can get them in and I don’t see an improvement then I’m going to get a tens unit. From all I’ve read those things can heal nerve damage and they aren’t terribly expensive.
The clit ring will put me out sexually for 2 months while it heals. Sooo that will give me time to meet people and not just jump in the sac. It’s weird because I am not sure where to start anymore. It is equally important to me to be sexually, emotionally, socially and intellectually compatible. I can fall madly in love on paper and not have an inkling of chemistry….or vise versa. I can adore being sexual with someone and not have enough in common beyond that which makes it hard to relate.
It should not be this difficult!!! It really shouldn’t…. but alas it is.
Politics (family separation)
Here is what I don’t understand about being inhumane in our global politics.
Does anyone really think we can be so cruel and not suffer repercussions? If we detrimentally hurt these people (think Guantanamo and Benghazi to not go too far back) aren’t we in essence creating more terrorists. More people that will in all likelihood hold us accountable as a country and as a people. The more cruel we are the more incentive we give people to not give a fuck, the more we kill off their own humanity and that in turn creates more “monsters”. I’m just being logical here I think.
I don’t care what side you are on. Humane treatment is not only ideal, it is necessary and frankly I would rather die with kindness and love in my heart than bitterness, anger, hatred and cruelty.
The way I see it; hatred is lazy. Anger is lazy. Bitterness is lazy. It’s self indulgent. It’s an easy switch to default to. If you let yourself get too far the road back may seem almost impossible. But love…. love is all around if you just open up to it. That was my prayer this morning. God I accept all the love given to me. All of it and i thank you for it. May God bless you all as well.
Embrace the love!!!
“Not afraid” – Eminem