I keep saying it but I’m still not doing it. I need to stop dating and all this online nonsense; stop spending so much time in virtual reality.

The thing is that I sometimes feel so very fucking lonely. This stupid elusive love I seek haunts me constantly. But I don’t have time. So many projects to do; so many goals to accomplish. I REALLY need to refocus and maybe just go get that clit rings and go have wild sex with whomever I please whenever I please, as time and responsibilities permit or course. Become the ever intangible unicorn.

Truthfully, right this moment I just need to focus on me, my kiddo’s, my businesses and relinquish all hopes and desires for a family life. It just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me.

I was told before I got divorced by a good friend that no man wants to be saddled with kids that aren’t his, especially not three. I found it cruel and I didn’t want to truly believe it but….. it sadly seems very true and maybe that’s for the best. I have such giant trust issues surrounding the girls that it seems an insurmountable task to find someone I would trust that much anyway. That I would trust with my biggest treasures in life. I’m over thinking it’s even possible. Maybe when and if it comes and feels right it will all fall into place. That’s just a huge maybe and it’s not something I want to think about anymore. I want to hit the pause button on that one….indefinitely.

All I know right now is that I am going to put the kabbash on all this “seeking”. You know what? If it is meant to be and wants to find me it will. Right now I’m just going to work on me and fit in fun when and if I can. That’s my summer project: ME!! Lol

So to that end I have deleted Tinder and Kik and I’ll keep Fet just because it technically isn’t a dating website and I like to be connected to events and I do actually have some friends or people I want to stay connected to on there and I’ll keep this obviously, because this is my outlet and I’ve made some great connections on here too and it’s become my secret addiction.*

And I’m just going to go at this one day at a time here. Starting tomorrow. Project 1) clean my house!! I can’t stand a messy, disorganized and heaven forbid dirty house. Drives me nuts!! I can’t think straight. It throws everything into chaos for me. How do hoarders do it? One thing if it’s the garage or storage unit…quite another is my living space. So starting tomorrow: organize living space. Clear my head.

Let the challenge begin!😉


*Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone. I do so love being part of your worlds, even if just as a fly on the wall.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

20 thoughts on “Refocus”

  1. Hi PG, something I did want to mention is that it is often during the busy times that remaining open works better than closing off. Having someone there to give you support when the stress builds goes a long ways to keep up motivation and energy. Connections often happen at random and when you least expect them to. That doesn’t mean to actively seek them, but to at least be open to something if it shows promise.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Honestly…..

      I’ve become so disillusioned. I just would rather give up than keep trying. I can accept that I’m part of the equation and therefor part of the problem.

      It’s ok though. It actually relieves a lot of stress and pressure to just give up. I can see why people get to this point. If something presents and clicks….. lol. Nope. Who am I kidding?

      I’m like one of those girls in those stupid rom-coms who needs the guy to jump over a million hoops before she believes him and lets him in and those kinds of men don’t seem to exist anymore…. or maybe thy never did and those stupid movies are pure fiction. No use even caring really.

      It’s a big huge world with so many things to learn and see and do. If it’s meant to be it will be. Right? No use trying to keep stuffing my tamale feet into Cinderella’s shoes anymore. I don’t fit her mold anyway.

      I really don’t know if I’m “open”. I do think what I want exists. I think it’s possible. I just don’t know if it’s out there for me. Maybe. Maybe not. Can’t keep obsessing about it though. That’s just not healthy and pursuing it just drives me a bit crazy. Gives me way too much anxiety and doesn’t put me in situations I want to be in. While I enjoy meeting people and the experiences I have are generally quite lovely. The sadness after a date engulfs me and sends me to a deep dark place of loneliness and grieving almost. Hard to explain…..but I just can’t do it anymore. I just don’t really want to. The balance between finding happiness in life and surrendering to sadness is a hard one and dating seems to tip the scales the wrong way.

      Maybe single isn’t so bad. I’ll make the best of it. That’s what I do. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have so much respect for You Mistress. Self-care should always come first.
    You really do make good choices.
    When flying with children, if the oxygen masks drop down from the ceiling, You are encouraged to put Your own mask on first, then help Your children, which is, no doubt, very hard to do. In either case, it is for a good reason.
    Happy house-cleaning Mistress.
    You are loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally agree with this. This is me too. I am deleting all my online accounts and only keeping this and Kik. Lol my only way of communicating with a few close people is on Kik. I’m not on Fakebook. I deleted POF last night and I’ll do the others this morning. And PG, I’m cleaning house today too!! Lol. Good luck 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you CC.

      It’s nice to think we are on a similar journey of self. Not in a toxic self-indulgent way but in a way that is more conducive to real long term happiness and health.

      Good luck to you too. Here to support you however I can. 😉



      1. Snuggling…… mmmmmmm

        Who doesn’t love a good snuggle?

        Winter is perfect for self nurturing. Try wanting to clean and organize your house when the weather is perfect outside and everything screams “play now!”. Lol.

        Either way it’s just way to easy to lose focus of ourselves and our needs, but snuggles. Isn’t there always room for snuggles? 😝


      2. Lol. There bloody well should be. And I have 3 little ones I can snuggle with but I would love a man to snuggle up too on occasion. Sigh. Lol.
        And yes hon I get that wanting to be out in the sun having fun, it’s very chilly here today so it’s very hard to not just sneak into my bed and snuggle even if it’s only with my blankets. Lol

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I hear ya!!

        Well. We gotta enjoy these kids while we can before they go and forget all about us. Such is the life of us mums and I totally get it. Snuggling with a man is sooo very yummy in a very different way. Lol. Both good. And even as you say solo snuggling is scrumptious too but let’s not do too much of that. For one no one with 3 kids has that kind of time and secondly it can become too indulgent even for me and I love indulgence. Lol. Ask the girls at the See’s candy counter.


      1. Wow. Well. In all honesty that is actually very healthy. I don’t know that I could live under that much restriction but I do think I could easily enforce that given the need to do so and the space to do it. D/s isn’t for everyone but for those of us that it is for; I think it makes life more special. Thanks for sharing your precious time in my world and reaching out. ❤️💋

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nope. You’re just doing you. Trust me that when you live your happiness it gives others validation to live theirs too… no matter how far from the “norm”. So you go!! While I’m ever the voyeur I’m still truly happy to laugh and clap and sing along to your joy any day. 💋❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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