I keep saying it but I’m still not doing it. I need to stop dating and all this online nonsense; stop spending so much time in virtual reality.
The thing is that I sometimes feel so very fucking lonely. This stupid elusive love I seek haunts me constantly. But I don’t have time. So many projects to do; so many goals to accomplish. I REALLY need to refocus and maybe just go get that clit rings and go have wild sex with whomever I please whenever I please, as time and responsibilities permit or course. Become the ever intangible unicorn.
Truthfully, right this moment I just need to focus on me, my kiddo’s, my businesses and relinquish all hopes and desires for a family life. It just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me.
I was told before I got divorced by a good friend that no man wants to be saddled with kids that aren’t his, especially not three. I found it cruel and I didn’t want to truly believe it but….. it sadly seems very true and maybe that’s for the best. I have such giant trust issues surrounding the girls that it seems an insurmountable task to find someone I would trust that much anyway. That I would trust with my biggest treasures in life. I’m over thinking it’s even possible. Maybe when and if it comes and feels right it will all fall into place. That’s just a huge maybe and it’s not something I want to think about anymore. I want to hit the pause button on that one….indefinitely.
All I know right now is that I am going to put the kabbash on all this “seeking”. You know what? If it is meant to be and wants to find me it will. Right now I’m just going to work on me and fit in fun when and if I can. That’s my summer project: ME!! Lol
So to that end I have deleted Tinder and Kik and I’ll keep Fet just because it technically isn’t a dating website and I like to be connected to events and I do actually have some friends or people I want to stay connected to on there and I’ll keep this obviously, because this is my outlet and I’ve made some great connections on here too and it’s become my secret addiction.*
And I’m just going to go at this one day at a time here. Starting tomorrow. Project 1) clean my house!! I can’t stand a messy, disorganized and heaven forbid dirty house. Drives me nuts!! I can’t think straight. It throws everything into chaos for me. How do hoarders do it? One thing if it’s the garage or storage unit…quite another is my living space. So starting tomorrow: organize living space. Clear my head.
Let the challenge begin!😉
*Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone. I do so love being part of your worlds, even if just as a fly on the wall.