I’ve always wanted to have an Ikea date. So I picked him up and took him there. We stuffed ourselves with meatball plates and yummy desserts. I added fries and a pear cider and he added a salmon salad and soda. Did you know Ikea offers a limited seating all you can eat buffet for $12.99? Neither did I. Seems odd, but I’d do it. But I’m not really a food snob…as you can see. Lol
We ate leisurely talking about mostly trivial things, with never a lull in the conversation. Then we meandered the path going into each staged room and trying all the chairs. He liked the leather chair with matching ottoman and I didn’t find a single chair I enjoyed sitting in. For specializing in furniture I find almost all of it abysmal; poorly designed and even worse completely uncomfortable.
But we had sooo much fun. By the time we finally got down to the first floor they were closing the store or we could have easily spent a few hours more there. He opens so much space for me. I feel so completely myself around him. He maybe errs on the side of being somewhat indecisive* but since I generally don’t mind picking up the slack and when pressed he does tell me his preferences; it doesn’t bother me in the least.
But I had promised the kiddo’s I would stop at the store for some treats on the way home** or I may have stayed and played with him. As it was the date was just a lot of fun and flirtation with a mild PG make-out session in the car before dropping him off.
I actually appreciate the time to get to know him better and build my desire for him. He is soo angelic and sweet. When I look into his blue eyes and big beautiful eyelashes I feel a deep sense of calm. How could I not? With him I feel so accepted and adored. I feel so cherished. It pains me that he is so young.
He has so much life to live and I wrestle with the thought that I can’t impose the life I have already lived on him and take away his chances at having more. I can not bare him children***. He is almost half my age so that is a real concern. We also don’t have a lot in common but we hold this space for each other that is very sweet and intimate and it never feels uneven or odd.
I also love how he looks in the lingerie I bought him. Isn’t it so cute the price tag is still on it? He has modeled this for me twice and never taken it off. Lol. He also recently shaved his face smooth and I absolutely love it. It makes him look even younger but so much more angelic and divine.
I want to shave his legs. He said he would let me. We will have to figure out when. I am trying to not get too attached and not let him get too attached to me. My end goal is marriage**** and while he is stable; owns his own house, has a decent job and he is kind and treats me so beautifully… I feel I must be realistic.
I don’t know. Too much to wrap my head around right now. I’m just going day by day, step by step. One foot in front of the other with no strategy in mind for my love life. Maybe because everything else is so overly organized and I’ve found affairs of the heart can not be always handled so matter of factly. There is a finesse; a depth… a sensitivity to it. That if you come at it too logically you could miss the joy of it entirely.
We shall see. For now he is very loving to me and it’s something I do so much need. Plus he needs a lot of nurturing himself; which is something that I love to give. I just don’t know if maybe I’m doing it wrong. I’ve waited two years now…. dating; kissing lots of frogs thinking celibacy was the way to go. And I feel better, free, happier having him in my life and he asks nothing of me really. How could I say no to him? How could I turn him away? Frankly….except for the age discrepancy I have no reason to. No reason at all.
My sweet little sissy boi. I may have to use my new toy on him….. toys and bois are to be played with after all. Right?
*a notoriously bad Libra trait but being surrounded by them in life I’ve learned their style and he is more forward with his desires than most.
**the local grocery store I had told them I would stop at closes at 11 so I was on a time constraint.
***I mean technically I could and I am a very fertile woman but ummmm… no, just no. The factory is closed.
****or so I keep telling myself.
I really enjoy him because he enjoys himself. It isn’t humiliation. It isn’t degradation. It is just a fun and loving dynamic. Do I expect to have this same dynamic with all men? No. Absolutely not!! Every man is different. There is nothing I value more in life than being true to oneself. Being honest, vulnerable, real. That presents differently for everyone and even changes within each of us. Ever fluid.