How many people on the bus?

When I went on a Buddhist meditation retreat 7 years ago we had various daily assignments. One of them was to picture ourselves on a school bus. Not only were we the driver but we were every passenger on the bus in various stages of age, attire, gender, attitude, etc.

At the time my sense of self awareness was basic to non-existent. I think I only conjured up about 5 characters total. The mentor even asked me pointedly if I saw more and specified to me if I saw a little girl. I knew what they were getting at, but at the time I truly didn’t. She was not ready to come out of hiding then.

Now….many years later, therapy, self reflection and just plain allowing myself to be me in all my inept glory. Now I see soooo many people on the bus. It’s a loud cacophony of sheer madness.

And it’s fun and wild and even sometimes scary to see all the me’s that exist, have existed and glimpses of those yet to come. I’m thankful though that I can get off the bus and silence them all. Go back to the essence of nothingness…back to before I took any of these characters on and just be.

The stillness. The strength. The honesty. The raw purity. It’s there and that…. that is the most important one of them all.

—-

I really should go back to talking about sex…. but no use talking about something I’m abstaining from. That would be like writing a food blog while fasting.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

6 thoughts on “How many people on the bus?”

  1. Thank you for sharing.. As I was reading this my bus started to fill and I could clearly see what you mean with only seeing a couple of you’s.. I will practice this.. Really nice exercise to letting yourself be aware of all your little you’s and their needs..

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    1. Yes. Well said. I’m glad you saw it as an exercise. I do so love giving tasks although that was not my original intention; but I’m glad you see the benefit. 💋

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      1. I’m curious from nature and I love challenges and dares.. So when I see things like this my mind walks along forming his play.. It is like this exercise : Close your eyes, relax your thoughts.. Tell every thought that comes along he or she can wait for the right moment to come back.. once relaxed enough think of an object.. First object that pops your mind is the one, don’t think of choosing an other one.. Visualize that object and let your mind free (fantasy, no hold backs, no taboo, …).. Let your mind unravel this object.. Let this object become the center.. Your mind will create a wonderful mindmap around this object..

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      2. Ah yes. I always have a hard time with this one. Which is funny because I have a vivid imagination. But when I try to do it it just doesn’t work very well. Did you know this is a Silva method to improving your ESP. So I appreciate the reminder. I will make a point to try it tonight. Thank you! ❤️

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      3. No I didn’t know that.. Yes it is very hard to do so.. But you’ll get beter at it overtime.. Same here, so vivid that sometimes I’m afraid of my own thoughts.. 😃

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      4. Afraid. Yes. I know that feeling.

        Sometimes in the middle of the night I see spirits and have intense visions. I attribute them to my vivid imagination, but all the same I talk to them (mentally or out loud) and it helps. It soothes me. I can’t say if they are real or not; but since they aren’t a danger and don’t affect my quality of life I just chop it up to part of what makes me me. Right? Part of my unique experience in life. My unique expression and interpretation of this life; in this exact time, space, body, spirit. Doesn’t have to be acceptable to everyone. Doesn’t have to make sense. Just has to be me. 😉

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