When I went on a Buddhist meditation retreat 7 years ago we had various daily assignments. One of them was to picture ourselves on a school bus. Not only were we the driver but we were every passenger on the bus in various stages of age, attire, gender, attitude, etc.
At the time my sense of self awareness was basic to non-existent. I think I only conjured up about 5 characters total. The mentor even asked me pointedly if I saw more and specified to me if I saw a little girl. I knew what they were getting at, but at the time I truly didn’t. She was not ready to come out of hiding then.
Now….many years later, therapy, self reflection and just plain allowing myself to be me in all my inept glory. Now I see soooo many people on the bus. It’s a loud cacophony of sheer madness.
And it’s fun and wild and even sometimes scary to see all the me’s that exist, have existed and glimpses of those yet to come. I’m thankful though that I can get off the bus and silence them all. Go back to the essence of nothingness…back to before I took any of these characters on and just be.
The stillness. The strength. The honesty. The raw purity. It’s there and that…. that is the most important one of them all.
I really should go back to talking about sex…. but no use talking about something I’m abstaining from. That would be like writing a food blog while fasting.