I was accused of being an attention seeker today by someone that completely and totally misunderstands me. I would have found it funny really had I not been shocked by it.
I guess only fellow writers and introverts would understand that this is simply not the case. I enjoy and need solitude and yes sometimes…..once every few months or so I like getting dolled up and going to the sex club to see and be seen. Plus I have this blog.
Hardly seems attention getting. In reality I’m a very quiet and demure person that sometimes blares the music in her car way too loud when there aren’t kids in it.
This same man went on to say that I’m too crazy. That I have too much baggage. That what I want does not exist. All things I don’t expect anyone to say to me, because why is it necessary to be so cruel? This all came about because I would not tell him how many people I have slept with.
I’m sorry but I am not in high school. That information is not relevant and if he needs to know; if it will make or break his opinion of me then that’s a game I don’t want to play to begin with because…. well… what is the magic number? It’s a game meant to be lost and it’s a game of judgement I don’t care to participate in.
Am I too crazy? Am I too sexual? Do I have too much baggage? Maybe. Ask me if I care though? This is me. I only have to be “perfect” for one man. One man that will see past my many imperfections to the depth of my soul and the love that is there.
One man that doesn’t need magic numbers and perfect backstories. One man that can look me in the eyes and always tell me the truth and always be vulnerable and full of love for me. That’s all I need. I refuse to believe it doesn’t exist. They will bury me in the ground before I give up on that dream.
I’ve waited my whole life. I’m not giving up. Whatever it takes. However long I have to wait. Yep. It’s ok. I’m fine with it.