If I had a nickel for ever person that wanted me to be someone I can’t be, especially men….I could retire to Birmingham, Alabama*.
This post will go in many directions but the thread is that I can only be who I am; like it or not. I happen to like who I am and I’m not trying to mold myself into anything or anyone else. That I am Domme is something I have carried within for a very long time. That I present as vanilla or even “meek” is happenstance.
I was having a deep conversation about this with my mom. She is by nature a very demanding, cold, and dominating person. This is her primary default. When we delved into her dating history it became more apparent to her why “meek” men were attracted to her. She had been asked more than once to dominate a man sexually, which until I clarified it for her she never understood why. We both had a good laugh. Sexually she is very submissive, so this turned her off completely.
Google today has the portrait of Tamara de Lempicka; an Art Deco artist from the last century. She is most famous for this self portrait in which she is depicted as “a portrait of cold beauty, independence, wealth and inaccessibility”
I love it. I love Art Deco and she has other nude paintings that I absolutely adore; including one that seems to depict effeminate men that is just sooo yummy.
A lot of men seem to assume because my sexual persona leads more Domme and I want an FLR that I will be like this all the time; but that simply isn’t the case. In my every day life I am a very open, caring, genuine and affectionate person. That is my default. Now in a relationship; where I have the complete freedom to be myself, where I have acceptance of all my dynamics I am very much demanding, domineering and even a tiny bit sadistic. Te he he.
And in my Domme attire, stand fucking back because I’m in full force. It’s fun. It’s a part of me I relish deeply, but this isn’t something I want to lavish on people willy-nilly frankly; because being Domme is a gift. A gift I give out of desire, love, lust. It is something that comes out of me naturally and grows with time and comfort. I do not just hand it over on command.
Dominating is not like being submissive where you don’t have to be fully present really. You can let yourself slide out of your body and participate with little to no physical effort. Dominance requires a lot of energy. I love it but that doesn’t negate the fact that to be in that space requires an awakening within and brings out a force that can not really be faked….not that I would ever try to fake it.
So to be asked to be Domme 24/7 is simply not possible for me, it’s not impossible but it’s something that must be built from the ground up within the confines of a trusting and deep relationship.
For men to ask me to bring my Domme out from the start and have me fulfill their emotional needs from day 1 makes me so angry. It makes me want to be like “fuck you”. You must deserve me. You must open that space for me. I must WANT to go there with you. I start at vanilla. I start with my natural persona and slowly….I encircle you.
This is how I expect my relationship to progress. With two people building a bridge to love and a life together…. without expectations of play and scenes that we have not scaled to together.
Fursissy explained it well in this blog. He really understands and explains my needs better than I can myself. He so often clarifies me to myself even. Such a blessing to have someone so knowledgeable that can express F/m so well.
The psychology of it is so key to me in this journey. The deep understanding of it has helped me accept it and myself so well and helped me to see that what I want is out there…..so that I don’t need to force myself into being anyone else and can keep collecting nickels. Maybe I’ll upgrade to Hawaii or France or some tropical paradise or maybe I can stop collecting them soon.
No matter. It’s fine. When and if it comes it will come & so if you don’t see my Domme persona you weren’t meant to see it…so yea. 😝💋
*cheapest place to live in the US….just my own silly running joke.