Or Better….

(Spiritual, not sexual.)

For those of you that have been following my blog this started as an online diary that was mostly based around sex and has morphed into a bit of a mixed bag. The percentage of sex posts seems to be dwindling; not that my desire for sex has but just that I’ve been on a spiritual quest as well and it’s spilling into all parts of my life.

Or rather….

All my separate beings seem to be converging and melding together* and instead of having separate blogs for spiritual, ranting and short stories I’d really just like to put them all in one spot; here.**

Today I went to a Pranic healing; I’ve gone once before (a few years ago) but today I went because my mother wanted to. The same healer was there. This beautiful middle eastern woman with a subtly powerful yet warm and gentle spirit and we had a great session. She asked me what “wishful thinking” meant to me…as that was coming up and I immediately knew why it did.

Lately I’ve been conflicted, by many things in my life. One of them is this whole “The Secret” thing. The thing about asking the universe or God for what I want vs letting fate and the all knowing give me what I need; which I assume it knows better than I do, since I have base and limited understanding of the complexity and nature of The All.

She gave me the perfect way to solve this. Let me start by going back a bit. My mom has been here a week and I am SO GLAD she goes back home tomorrow. I truly love the woman but she is difficult. Mostly because she knows what she wants but she doesn’t voice it outright. She hems and haws and lets you make decisions and then gets angered or sullen that they don’t meet her expectations. It is beyond frustrating. I have been subtly trying to teach her to express her opinions up front.

This problem is not unique to my mom. In fact, a lot of women I know suffer this problem, including myself. So many years and decades of appeasing others, putting others first and trying to meld to a form that one believes will be accepted and loved leaves us devoid of an actual opinion.

So for my own clarification I have been purposely trying to tap into the “what do I want?” mentality. “What is it that will make me happy?” No matter how trivial or how difficult or how whatever that desire may be. I own it because it is MINE. I don’t have to justify it, or clarify it or feel bad for having it. It’s like an opinion. It’s personal and it is NOT wrong. It maybe a bit unrealistic; maybe….possibly….perhaps… if even that, but not wrong or bad or unwelcome.

I welcome it!!

I want it!!

I want my desires front and center in MY life!! That’s not selfishness. It’s voicing my uniqueness to the world. But now back to “what about what the universe wants?” or what God designates. What Fate decides for me. And she gave me the perfect answer to this.

I shall ask for exactly what I WANT and then I will turn to God and very humbly say…..or better please. Since I can’t see that far ahead. Since I haven’t climbed that mountain yet I can’t say what that could possibly be, but God sees. God knows….and I’m free to ask for whatever I want. Just like Santa Clause, God doesn’t take any offense to it. If anything I think God appreciates my hutzpah.

Soooo….girls. Get to know yourself. Get to know what you REALLY want…and then say to the universe….




*it feels like each part of my life is a strand and that they are forming together into a braid and that I am being lifted up by this braid by those that mentor, love and show kindness to me while I also use this same cord to lift up those I love, mentor and show kindness to. If this makes sense. Lol ❤️

**This may alienate some people. It’s fine. I understand. Go get what you need elsewhere if you can find it. 😉. Have fun, stay safe!

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

2 thoughts on “Or Better….”

  1. My wife was kept “under thumb” for most of her life. Her mother was (and still is) a narcissist. If you ask my wife, she’ll say she’s a malignant narcissist. Then when she married (to get away from dear old mom), he turned out to be a narcissist as well, parading her about as his arm candy, but treating her as an object, a thing. She never was allowed to have an opinion and was often deemed “stupid” by those around her. I’ve known her since she was 14…24 years. I’ve seen the abuse firsthand. I’m not a narcissist. I want her opinion in all matters, solicited or not. It’s important to me. I need her input to make decisions for us both. She is literally my other half. She’s my complement.

    I asked her early on in our relationship, “What do you want to do? Where do you want to go?”
    she said, “Wherever you want.”
    Of course I didn’t accept that answer. It frustrated her because she was used to following blindly and mutely. I want a real person. Give me your wants, desires and dreams. I’m good at fulfilling them if I just know what they are. She’s slowly opening up as I take her to places I find both entertaining and educational. We’ve been to the Reading Train museum (PA), a cabin rental in the Pennsylvania mountains, the DC zoo, and a few other cool places. She enjoyed them all, but I asked her up front, “Would you like to go…” She’s trusting me more and saying where she’d like to go a bit more now. It’s exciting to see her opening up and letting me see more of her.

    Ladies, give us your desires, silly or not. If your partner is a real person, and not a predator or demon, they’ll welcome the input, insight and inspiration. Most people want friends that have depth, thoughts, and wants…not automatons that answer to our every beckon call.

    Liked by 1 person

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