I’ve always been a bit fearless. It was born from necessity. You wouldn’t know it from looking at me in every day life. Quiet, meek even, with a soft serenity (mostly), but when the force is sparked, needed or desired…it comes. Not always but usually (thankfully). The strength comes of its own accord and I can’t stop it if I wanted to really. It just comes.
Some cases come to mind.
Most recently I was picking up my teenage daughter from a school function. She wanted me to drive a gaggle of friends home too. I said fine. I parked across the street from the school and waited. They came out and stood at the corner at a designated and delineated crosswalk and waited for cars to stop.
One car, two cars, they kept coming. No one was stopping for them. In their situation I would have stepped off the sidewalk and made eye contact with the drivers or waved my hands until someone stopped but these girls didn’t have that notion. I understood but I was getting enraged watching these people keep driving by. It was dark but they were obviously being ignored.
Without thinking and by sheer instinct I swung open my car door and walked right into the middle of the street. The first car drove past me slowly as if in disbelief and the second car I did not give that chance to. I got right in front of it. They had no choice but to stop or run me over. I did not waiver. I went straight towards it like an angered bull….as if I wore invincible armor.
The girls ran across the street as I stood still in place. And after the last one crossed I followed behind. They all ran into the car giggling and laughing. They talked about it the entire drive back. One called me her hero. To me it was just another day. I honestly didn’t see why the hubbub. Lol
Another time at a garage sale in the dead of the hot dessert summer I landed at this petite blond-haired beauty’s house. Not many people were out and about in the 100 plus degree weather. It was me, her and two big tall black men from an African country. Immediately my ears tuned in to the discourse. The tone was wrong.
They were pushing her. Asking to have things for free. Making her scared. I slowly, quietly, without intention began navigated my way between them, as I kept looking at merchandise. Until I stood right next to the main aggressor. The next time he spoke I turned slowly, deliberately and stared right up into his eyes as he towered above me and said in a calm and quiet voice that sounded in my head like a quiet roar.
I said “leave her alone”. He looked down at me as if he was scratching his head and laughed. I stood completely still in my strength with not an ounce of fear and held his gaze. I could sense he was doing some kind of calculation in his head, yet I still stood….not even half an arms length away. He literally backed away from me and I simply continued looking at the merchandise. I noticed a few minutes later they had left. Lol. She practically gave me everything for free. It was her way to thank me without thanking me. I understood. She didn’t want to acknowledge her fear. Men seem to think they have that trait cornered. They don’t!
I could go on. We all have our stories. I have been assisted by strangers many times in this same such fashion. I even had a stranger save my life and I never even saw their face.
My point here is….. I sometimes tend to do things some people can simply not understand. They don’t seem logical, sensible or prudent. My actions at times lack all sense of self-preservation. This feeling had subsided quite substantially when I had children but the rebirth into full fruition again has been so splendid. So when I say to my few friends that I am contemplating having my own slave they are not particularly shocked.
Now….how I went to potentially “owning” a slave from where I was not even 6 months ago shocks me a bit. It’s like being asked to play in the olympics after just having joined the sport. I know I have some experience, natural talent* and most importantly I have true desire; but we shall see. The dynamic of M/s is intense and it creates a very deep connection that is not even found in most strong vanilla relationships. Most obviously the power dynamic is very askew.
Funny thing is; I don’t feel in over my head. I don’t feel afraid. I don’t feel silly or crazy. I intuitively sense that this is right for me. Maybe not something most people would say. Probably not something most people would entertain.
Welcome to my world. Nice to meet you. 😉
I was 16. I had taken the last metro and missed the last bus to get home. I was going to have to walk the 2 miles home. It was about 11:30pm and the city was deserted; eerily quiet and dark. I walked briskly in the warm night. A car pulled up and slowed to my pace until we both stopped. A girl a little older than me smiled at me and the man driving said hi. They asked if I wanted a ride. I looked closely at them both and instinctively my entire body screamed “RUN!”
Without hesitation, without question, without further dialogue I ran. Fast and furious, I ran directly in front of the car and through the street that crossed where we were. Then I turned right sharply and kept running. In the back of my head I wondered what I would do if they followed. No cell phones at the time. No one on the streets. I didn’t have many options where they behind me. I ran maybe 2 more blocks and realized they had not followed. I slowed my pace and kept zig zagging my way back home.
Was there real danger? I can’t say. I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I always did like running anyway. In fact I’m off to go run now…for pleasure this time though. Lol
*yes natural ability. Why people have an issue with this verbiage still amuses me.