schizophrenia

More and more I think A LOT of these type of “mental disorders”* have to do with people’s real or suppressed psychic abilities.

I DO NOT care if anyone calls me crazy is the thing.

When you try. Genuinely try to find the good side to every person, every thing, every situation; NO MATTER WHAT……

yea…it can feel frenetic sometimes. It can feel so beautiful too; really is the thing. Everyone handles that differently. I don’t expect anyone to understand. I really don’t. It’s ok.

—-

*I think it’s a crock of shit really but whatever. No one was asking me about it?

—-

I was in a donut store once. Actually headed into one. Parked. Walking towards the door I had a word stuck in my head. I honestly can’t remember what word; something dumb like potato, let’s say. It wasn’t that. My memory fades some things. I was smiling to myself because why would some silly word lodge in my brain. It was funny to me. So random.* As I walked in I noticed a large crowd. Mostly older white men. Lol

Everyone kept their obligated distance that strangers seem to intuitively want to keep in most parts of the US. (I think). I like it. You get used to it. In the mix was a cute little boy and instantly I knew his energy was off. It was through the roof. He didn’t have to say a word or move much. I could feel it coming towards me at warp speed. I smiled. He was adorable and he said as clear and loud as fucking day “potato” and nothing else and started to fidget.

His father scolded him trying to contain his fidgeting. Trying to control him and I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs “stop it”. I wanted to scold the father but I couldn’t figure out how without sounding crazy. I didn’t have the courage. This haunts me to this day.

I just want to have that courage now. I want to be that example. I don’t care if no one understands.

—-

*when you accept yourself as you are these things don’t seem so odd or uncommon. Connections can be ethereal to me. Feel just like heaven…..and whose connection if not to yourself is the deepest. I want to enjoy that. Whatever that is as it is always presenting itself in the present moment anew. Growing. Evolving. Learning to love again and again.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

42 thoughts on “schizophrenia”

    1. Oh no. I wondered about that. I have a love/hate relationship with this app sometimes. Lol

      I’ll look for it. Is there an easy way to reference it again? I’ll look.

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  1. My wife hears people talking to her. She was given Abilify (generic) to quiet them down. It mutes them…but not silences. They tell her things…words she doesn’t know, accusing her of sinning….she looks the words up to learn their meanings and asks me about them. She asked for the drugs to quiet them…it wasn’t thrust upon her. She’s tired of hearing them accusing her and wants it to stop.

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      1. She says she has a prophecy to fulfill…having someone else’s baby. I can’t have children…I’m an XXY male, Klinefelter’s Syndrome. She’s not leaving me to have someone else’s baby.

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      2. Ah yes. I’ve experienced that. Ummm. Ok. Tell her it’s NOT a lie. It’s just that it’s also not complete truth. IMO and this is how I handled it. Because that happened to me and I did test pregnant at the hospital and it would have been immaculate conception because my husband NEVER slept with me. I knew I was pregnant. That is not new. I knew the moment I conceived twice before.

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      3. Anyway.

        They tested me the next day and the baby was gone. I knew it was gone too. I felt it gone.

        So IMHO (in my humble opinion) that torch gets passed on eventually. I don’t know what to believe. Honestly. So I can’t tell you what to believe either. Life is funny that way.

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      4. Life is funny. The fact that I met her at 14 as my future wife…but only seeing her as a precocious teen girl is funny too. The first thing she asked me was, “So, are you going to be my new uncle?” I had only dated her aunt for a week and she was asking me this. Now she’s mine…all mine. I’m living my fantasy, married to my crush, 17 and a half years younger (I’m 55) and we are so happy together. It truly is a dream come true.

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      5. Sweet for you…dad for me.

        Men…not you. Seem to be obsessed with youth. I get it. I can see why. Trust me. I’m about to start dating a man half my age but I would love to date a man my age. I can’t explain it. I make no excuses. But I have way too many pedophiles around my life. (Not you). It makes me feel so insecure.

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      6. I’ve started to wonder if pedophilia of just some deep connection men feel to children and then…of course….they sexualized it. But maybe first came the connection. I don’t know. Most all children are such easy targets it’s hard to say.

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      7. Pedophilia is predatory behavior…abuse of power, etc. those kind of men should be castrated. Just saying. I like role play, but only with an adult. I’m settling into this older/younger relationship even though I’m naturally a sub. she isn’t a Domme in any respect so my new role is as the Dom in her life, protector, lover, leader, comforter, etc. She shines when I take up that mantle and do it even slightly well. I like to see her shine and grow.

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      8. ok, maybe that was a bit too extreme, but if it was my daughter/son…all bets are off. I’d castrate him myself, with a dull pair of hedge clippers. I can’t have children, but I have a step-daughter and I feel the same way, even though we no longer speak. Drugs/addiction/etc.

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      9. Pedophilia has not been studied enough. For most obvious reasons most people don’t talk about it. Which is sad. How much bigger is that mountain of dirt under that rug gonna get?

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      10. It has started with that Olympics doctor…maybe the flame won’t die out…
        It does need to be studied, like alcoholism, or any other addiction/disease. I know the police profilers have a good starting point, so someone had to have studied it somehow.

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      11. But there is no compiled data. I talked to a profiler, hands down, most intuitive, caring, intelligent person I’ve ever met probably but some of his theories were wrong. He only saw them from the make perspective.

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      12. They need to see things from the victim’s perspective. My wife has told me so much about why she acts certain ways. She always assumes the blame for everything. I point out her flaws in that and either share the blame, or show her the truth behind her feelings, and perceptions. She had a double whammy…her mother and first husband were both narcissists. The mother overlooked the oldest son’s assaults on her daughter because it cast a bad light on her “perfect” family.

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      13. Wow!!

        Yea. I’ve spoken to a lot of people that have graciously opened up to me about these things as well and it is so much more common than people even realize and that makes me so sad. My heart bleeds. It isn’t right. It isn’t fair and yet as a society we turn a blind eye to it. I understand all sides but it doesn’t make it right.

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      14. I had a real dose of reality when I cut all strings to social media. This is my only real interaction in social media. I mostly write fantasy stories. I do know the difference between reality and fantasy. I function well in reality, working a full time job and running a part time business with my wife (cutting grass). Honestly, there’s nothing like making cake…and then eating it. There’s nothing like getting dirty along the way. Reality may be hard, but the reward is worth it. Fantasy is always just that…fantasy.

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      15. So very true and reality required involvement. It requires play and yet we seem to be moving away from real play.

        Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE that we can connect on here. This sharing to me of your life is monumentally valuable and I treasure your honesty and openness. I just wish we could move this to real life. We could open this up. We could all discuss things like this freely.

        But I am ever grateful to have this with you now. 🙏🏽

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      16. So many things get in the way of open and honest conversation. IMHO its mostly related to religion, but that’s me. I used to be very religious, but now I’m more spiritual and it seems things make more sense now. I guess I’m like my mom in that sense, willing to talk about anything, with almost anyone, so long as they don’t try to judge me for the words that are coming out of my mouth.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Sooo. There was this wonderful woman I met once. She sparkles like a beautiful star, so to say the vast majority of everyone else misunderstood her was an understatement.

      She was ever the most honest soul. Raw and pure. She told me so many beautiful stories and they rang true to my heart each and everyone. (I trust my heart.)

      She had woken up in the middle of the night and started crying. She had had a horrible dream about children in a fire and being the very spiritual person she was she got on her knees and prayed. She prayed for the dream and the children in the dream. And once she was settled she went back to sleep. In the morning on the news was a story about local children in a house fire that were bravely saved. And they were the exact same children from her dream. I had goosebumps when she told me.

      These things are not uncommon. We all have psychic ability. To some degree.

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      1. My wife had a similar dream, only it was a forest fire. Two days later she heard about a forest fire and how firefighters were trapped and they “found” a way out. That was about 6 years ago. Her visions started around that time…and haven’t stopped.

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      2. Ok. She needs to learn to control them. Easier said than done.

        Exercise, diet, meditation. She is very sensitive to anything. Her senses are probably on fire for her. She may feel that way. So she needs to self nurture A LOT!!! I mean A LOT!! Nature helps a lot. In solitude so she can wrestle with her thoughts and sometimes I mean quite literally. These voices feel like they are attacking her. She needs to wrestle them down. They can not win this battle and she has to fight it alone.

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  2. Not to advocate something dangerous. The less extreme example would be meditation, deep hugging, water floating therapy (what do they call those things; expensive but worth it).

    If you find that she is tipping the scales into unhealthy behavior I would suggest colonics or a parasite cleanse. Those things can eat away at your brain.

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