Momentarily connecting to people for me is easy. I genuinely like everyone. Even the people that aggravate me I tend to be able to find something about them that I can appreciate; that is of value or endearing. Probably because I recognize that everyone has many dimensions to their being and just because we may not be having a pleasant exchange it doesn’t negate their worth (or mine). So I try to always find something I can appreciate about everyone and on the very odd occasion I can’t I simply tell myself that I am so glad to not be them. I am so glad to not live in their headspace.
But deep, true, lasting connections are hard for me. I don’t know what those are suppose to look like outside of my family and a few long term friends. Sometimes I connect so deeply with a total stranger and other times no matter how hard I try I can not seem to connect to people I genuinely want to. I haven’t found the rhythm to that. And then once in a great while it happens that people reach for me and I shelter myself because I know my limits and I get attached very quickly and I don’t want to endure the pain of losing them, because I sense (maybe erroneously) things will not work out.
Moving so much as a child, house to house, family to family, I learned many valuable lessons but one that has stuck the most is the ability to let go. When you are told one day to the next that you are leaving your entire world behind and this happens over and over you learn to cut ties quickly, without hesitation and without looking back. You learn to redirect your attention to what is ahead of you and not what you have left behind. No matter what it was or how much you loved it.
It makes me seem heartless to some people that I can seemingly do this so easily. It really isn’t that easy. It hurts to let people, places, things you love go. It always hurts. Sometimes it never stops hurting, but you don’t focus on that. You just focus on the tasks at hand. Whatever life hands you….focus on that.
Connections, come and go. There is no way around that one. I have learned to let go out of necessity, but that does not mean I don’t hold a place in my heart for them. It just means that they aren’t in my every day reality anymore. It’s made me open my eyes to simply enjoy the people I have around me right now. It’s about appreciating who/what is here in front of me, because life and connections are precarious….and people don’t tend to value that enough.
“Honesty” – Billy Joel