I Can’t Breath

This has been happening a lot to me within this realm.

I’ve been having experiences that make me pant so strongly, so intensely that I get extremely and severely lightheaded. Today I felt that if I wasn’t already laying down I would have completely lost my physical bearings.

I’ve been talking to A LOT of men. Mostly all in the capacity of them wanting me to be their Domme. A few within different capacities; a couple Dom’s, a few potential patrons, a lovely sadist, a few crossdressers wanting friends and understanding, and in the case above a real slave.

Real! Not pretend, not (just) for fun, not with a life of his own. No! He would be my property. Under my direct command and control 24/7 with no rights, no expectations, no say.

He has been explaining it to me….charming me…taunting me. “Slave A” he calls himself….as if there were to be more and he is setting his marker; as if he was denoting his category. Lol.

I am deeply enthralled.

I can’t say though. I am not ruling it out. I’ve already said I’m taking life as it comes; living in the moment and for now I find myself here and I am just so happy this morning.

I have stakes in many fires. I am so enchanted that I am allowed to roam freely within all these beautiful worlds. Right now the flames are warming me to my core. I feel so alive.

Thankful; even as I lay here alone, even as almost every single one of these “relationships” is still only virtual, that I am being honored with so many people opening the door to their being to me. It is a blessing beyond blessings. I am just so deeply happy to be here.

—–

In the case above. The slave. He expects, wants and NEEDS degradation and humiliation. He needs to feel his place in life. The place that for whatever psychological reasons satisfy his inner being. He needs this. I am so curious as to why really. What made this switch in his psyche happen.

In my vanilla life, while married I had to train myself to not degrade my husband in public, no matter how frustrating, irritating and stupid his behavior was at times. I did not want to bruise his ego and also did not want to be “that person”. The person that is clueless as to how hurtful and vial their verbiage and responses are. I am very mindful of myself that way.

So to come out of that would have to be purposeful and I have no context for it. I am by nature a very loving and empathetic person. I can sense peoples emotions before they’ve even spoken. Even when they aren’t expressing visual emotion. It is a strong sense I have. Sometimes it even overwhelms me. I have been trying to learn to control this better.

So to humiliate someone I would have to feel safety there for them. But I am thinking that if I simply accepted it as a game and saw the genuine pleasure it gave them that I may be able to easily switch into it and have fun with it. Giggles. Sly smile. I’m thinking I really could. Now to test the theory.

I’ve asked my lovely new Domme friend to let me shadow her while she has that kind of session and let me participate a little (if possible) to get a feel for it. She has not responded. To be fair she is quite busy, an introvert, and has few clients on her roster. Simply because she doesn’t need very many to support her lifestyle. So I may have to wait a bit, if she even agrees.

I’m going to a munch today to meet fellow Domme’s. I won’t be able to stay after to entertain myself with suitors. Ho hum. Lol

Life is beautiful! 💋❤️

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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