When they were passing out “normal” lives they looked at me and said “na, give her the works”. My life was a bit too boring when married but also mostly unbearable…for reasons I won’t get into, not because it was boring. Boring I can take.
But since being divorced my life has switched into overdrive. It is not unbearable but sometimes it pushes me to the edge of anxiety where I feel like I could freefall off of the cliff and have no idea where I would land. So I feel like I have a death grip on what little I have now, trying not to let it slip away. Life shouldn’t be like that; for anyone.
Sooooo I want to just unwind it all a bit. I’m still moving ahead. Still doing all I need to do, but I’m not going to stress about it anymore. I’m going to allow myself to just be. Just be in the moment of it all. Let go of the deathgrip and let myself freefall if that’s where the momentum is going to take me. This means I’m not actively pursuing trying to find a relationship. This means I’m not letting my anxiety take over. This means I’m not going to let it all overwhelm me.
I’m going to have faith that where I am is where I need to be even if I can’t find a rationale to it all. No one is promised anything and I still feel damn lucky to have what I have, to be who I am and to be surrounded by and meet some pretty damn awesome people in this life. That’s not nothing.