In truth I have only been on the prowl less than a month. That is nothing. I tend to have a very demanding and impatient character sometimes and so of course I want it NOW. But I also realize that just because I have experience dominating relationships and taking complete control sexually doesn’t mean it’s where I need or want to be as a Domme.
I am going to challenge myself over the next few months to become even better; stronger, more educated about the lifestyle, and more connected to people within in…especially other Domme’s.
I’m really not concerned anymore about the experience a sub may or may not have as much as that he has the right mindset. Even experienced subs I have talked to seem to want to top from the bottom. In other words they expect me to fulfill their fantasies instead of realizing that we will build our relationship together based around my rules and both our limits. Not to say those fantasies can’t be lived, just to say when and if they were to happen I will be orchestrating them to my satisfaction, not some mythical scenario created for me to play out. I’m not a puppet.
I need a man who is truly docile, loving and submissive on the inside. The outside? Well…..who knows. That is subject to whim really as I find all men alluring in some aspect, even men dressed in women’s clothing. So really it’s just about the right fit for me.
I can’t wait to find my sub, but meanwhile I’m going to learn as much as I can. For now I think I’ll also go back to abstinence and meet people just for the experience of it, like target practice and if someone sticks great and if not great too.
So much to experience in life. I’m just looking forward to it all.