Porn Girl Problems

Like most people I’m a very visual person. I learn things through tactile, hands on processes, but I respond to the world through visual cues. Except that I have strong visceral reactions to the things I see. It’s like they physically come through my body, not just my mind as I look at them.

So what’s the problem with this? Well. I blame this for my adoration of attractive men. I am a such the sucker for men that have dashing features. It doesn’t have to be the whole enchilada. It can be a heavenly smile, thick hair, piercing eyes. Just something that captivates me.

But….if there isn’t substance behind it I won’t be enthralled for long. As in truth I am a not only a saposexual but also a die-hard romantic. Over the top romantic gestures will melt my heart faster than a bolt of lightening strikes down. They just carry my heart away. Of course I have to see the genuineness and desire in them, not just the utilization of these tokens for a means to and end or to appease.

I’ve been told

“Not great looking men try harder. They work to make sure you are happy. They know their place and they are grateful to have you.”

Which I’m sure is true….but…..ugghhh.

—–

Segue here to: I hate online dating!!! I think I need to go to more kink events. That’s what really needs to happen. It’s not until I see someone and interact with them that I truly know. Except I don’t want to necessarily go alone. My friends are super vanilla and the few people I know and trust that would go are all men that would either want me for themselves/cock block me or use me as their ego boosting prop. Neither of which I like.

Guess I just put on my Domme attire, including whip in hand and bring out the bitch me* and see what I see. Go to these events and not let anyone harass, latch onto or accost me. The problem with that is that the Domme me isn’t the soft me that floats around on the day-to-day. Sooo meeting someone in that space is great except that space isn’t where I live 24/7 and that may be good or bad for someone meeting me in that situation. Who’s to know? Ugggghhh.

Ok. Assuming I start doing that then do I still go out with guys that don’t strike a cord? On the off chance they can hand me on a silver platter all I want and need. Even if there is no attraction for me to begin with. Assuming perhaps that I could build my desire for them based on the needs they fulfill. Ugghh. That all sounds like drudgery. Why is it sooo fucking complicated??

I just don’t get it. Do you know why I don’t get it? Because it makes NO SENSE. It is like so much else in this world…utter fucking useless nonsense. This is the best format we have for meeting people? Social media/apps, church, set-ups. Wow! Just wow!!

Ranting. Sorry. Frustrated. Tired.

Silly me. Silly, silly me. That I need to know a man is willing to make a fool of himself for me. I need to know a man is willing to take chances. That he is all-in and all I need to do is say yes. That he is wanting to bend for me. That he is wanting to give me the world. Yea, yea I know. A million reason why this is so follow here…..

Maybe I should disconnect from everything. Just live moment to moment and forget about anything and everything men wise and know that it will come when it’s meant to come and no matter how much I knock at that door until it opens from the other side it just won’t work.

It’s a thought. Feels like a stupid thought, but I’ve had worse ones. Lol

I don’t know. I recognize that part of this Domme thing…..the grand part of it is that you do get handed everything. I’m just a very pragmatic person and this is a game I can’t seem to find the right formulaic answer to. I want it to make sense. I want it to be a game I can computate.

As in add this, factor in this , tweak this, take this out and swish swish bish…..voila. Guess I should pick up some books. Mingle with other Domme’s. Put in some real legwork. Figure this thing out and not just assume it’s going to come so easy just because I want it to. 😝

That’s probably a better thought. Lol

___

*guarded and ruthlessly judgmental

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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