So hard to safeguard your heart sometimes. Fetlife is not helping the matter. I’m generally a very loving, sweet, genuine, open person but when you get inundated with guys saying exactly what you want to hear over and over just for the sake of sex…it gets ridiculous. I’m not getting callused as much as just starting to table my real persona for “Bitch Me”.
I’ve even disconnected my fetlife from here because just ugghhh. Men!! Instead of it being a platform for understanding me and seeing I’m a person (flesh and blood, heart and soul) just like them it just gives them more access and more ways to prey upon me. I don’t get it!! I am way too naive for this planet.
I think I’m a good judge of character generally and can steer clear of assholes quite well, but when you consider the ratio is A LOT higher in the underbelly it becomes drudgery weeding people out. I really don’t mind assholes and I don’t mind navigating the trenches. What I mind is the lack of honesty and transparency.
It’s a strange conundrum. Some people on there are at their most vulnerable and exposed; showing images and proclivities that no one outside of that realm knows about them and then there are the predators and conniving bastards. It’s a fascinating world but not exactly Maybury.
It still works for me though. Primarily because while on the outside I have a low key, even boring life*. I have my business, my children, my healthy lifestyle, my goals and ambitions. I don’t do much by the way of extravagances. The flipside is this deep need for sexual and emotional satisfaction and connection that skirts unhealthy extremism. I am ok with it and I know my partner will be ok with it. Once I find that person.
Navigating how to find that person; DIFFICULT. Ho hum. It’s ok. Eye on the prize. But no more niceties on my part. Ruthless dissection is necessary now….before I let any games commence. As I wait on my pedestal for the fun to begin.
*boring isn’t quite the right word at all actually. Lol. But you know what I mean.