I have been feeling a bit off. It was this birthday coupled with feelings of depression and angst. I hadn’t been to the gym in a while (maybe a week) and I desperately needed it.
I went on the treadmill and I did interval sprints until I couldn’t breath. All I could think of….all that kept running through my head was wanting to burn it all down. Wanting all this pain to end.
I kept running and running and running until my heart couldn’t keep up with my head and I had to stop.
It’s an extra long bubble bath night coupled with a heavy dose of THC.
I’m not burning anything down. Don’t worry.
But I am going to use that energy to keep laying the ground work. Doing what I need to do to get to where I need to get to. One way or another. Even if I have to hit the gym daily to keep burning it down in my mind. It’s days like these I wish I had a punching bag.
I was told to get a sub. That’s what they want. That’s what they need. But I don’t do pain for pains sake alone. It has to mean something. He has to mean something….I’m not a monster. I’m actually very loving…just not on the days I want to burn it all down. Today would be a very painful day if I had a sub.