The darkness has engulfed me today. I can tell you all the reason why, but they don’t matter. Nothing matters. The reasons are just the push…the path was already laid.
The depression engulfed me early….15 was my first suicide attempt. 23 was my last.
(Bob Dylan – A Hard Rain is Gonna Fall)
That’s when I ended up in the emergency room, pumped full of charcoal with the nurses and doctors huddled in a corner staring at me with pity in their eyes. That’s when I realized where I had gone wrong. I had lost hope. I had lost perspective. I had lost myself entirely. No matter how bad things get now… they never get that bad because I never lose sight that:; A) things can always be worse, B) you just never know (i.e. hope).
I straddle so many worlds. It strikes me funny that the term schizophrenia even exists. To live in this God forsaken world we must ALL straddle so many different realities. We must all be so many different people encapsulated into one reality.
The pain engulfs me. (Linoleum – Tweeker – I’ve really just about lost all control. Walk a thousand miles on my linoleum.)
Where the fuck are you?????
Come already!!! Just come.
(I am I said – Neil Diamond)