OMG. I’m already having so much fun!!!
“It’s not healthy to run at this pace, blood runs so red to my face” – Sting song
I got propositioned to be a Domme on Fetlife. And he said so many things I have wanted to hear. There was a lot more than what I am showing you that he wants to do for me. Mmmmmmmmmmm
Except that I have a list now. I’m having a friend write my final edition to my ad I will run on a fetish based dating site. I can’t fucking wait. So here is what I told him to help me incorporate into a good ad. I thought I had Tinder down but that was probably more the pictures than anything. Lol
Must not drink alcohol or at the very least never around me.
Must be chaste 100% of the time. No other women but me and I dictate when and where he gets his release. I may make him wait for days or weeks for it.
I want to live part time with him at his place, so I must like his place. Must be comfortable and clean. Must have a very healthy lifestyle or be able to change to one. I am very strict about what I eat and put in and on my body.
Must be a devoted, loving, affectionate sub ready and willing to serve my every need with genuine concern and adoration.
Must communicate well and clearly. Must listen well. Must maintain frequent text communication.
Must give me space. I also need some quiet and downtime to do my own thing. Even at his house.
Must take me out on the town at least once a week.
Absolutely must let me peg him. Not all the time, not even frequently…but a must.
Must be 420 friendly.
And like to be punished severely & tied up for hours. (Not tied up all the time. We all have lives. Lol)
Would be a bonus but not necessary if he wants to switch once in a long while. (I don’t want to put anyone off though. I don’t know if that’s something most subs wouldn’t consider. So many variables to this lifestyle. Lol). I just know long term I don’t think I could be with someone who could not exert their male dominance once in a while, especially out of the bedroom.
(Long tangent…I wouldn’t read it if I were you; please don’t read it.)
So here’s what I mean by I’ve always been in this headspace. So. I was asked recently why I’m so different than other people. First I took it earnestly and then I took it as a “line guys use” and then I let myself accept it earnestly again. Lol
So my answer is that a lot of my childhood I was alone. Sometimes adults hovered, mostly not. I was a latchkey kid that bounced from house to house and relative to relative. I was mostly left to myself to navigate the world and consequently had to pretty much learn on my own almost everything and you think I jest here but I am not. I had to learn to take care of myself from basics to public transportation and simply what to do with myself. I got to think however I wanted to think about things with no correction. I watched the world as it was with no one to filter it for me.
I was given a lot of leeway. I would come and go like a cat sometimes that comes home every night and maybe stays in sometimes. For a girl especially I had A LOT of freedom. This has good aspects and bad. Here I’ll focus on the good. Maybe it’s that I didn’t have the internet and that whatever TV I got was always mostly the local channels; and sometimes I had no control of the TV.
I spent so much time alone with just my imagination that I created worlds upon worlds to entertain myself AND more importantly I did whatever the fuck I wanted…mostly, except for what my direct authority figures insisted I do (which may explain why I have a love/hate aversion to that type of persona generally) especially if they become unreasonable.* I get a bit unhinged.
So anyway…I had no one to talk to or learn from; not from emulation or preaching. No one to tell me what I could or couldn’t do with my thoughts and my body. I learned to think and do things my way. School, a couple friends, and MTV indoctrinated me a bit but far less than one would think. And then I learned how fascinating reading was; and that it mimicked my worlds within worlds inside…only it was always different. I was enthralled and that only made me even more of an introvert at times. Really smart maybe but kind of naive too.****
Now if you read that this is just added blather that fits into what was said above, kind of…sort of, but may stand alone. (Do not read.)
*I just gave you a big trigger for me; into either Domme or Sub. Situational. Still. I let it out into the great wild world for all to see and then I pointed out in case anyone missed it. I’m a genius. This is the downside to pot. Foolishly stoney sometimes.
**I create my own world. Which is why marriage sucked. I got my way some. Maybe even a lot more than most wives (usually) but the cost was so high and the torture of trying to bend someone to your will…which you know is the right way and the best for all parties concerned…is fucking exhausting. We weren’t sexually compatible in any form whatsoever too, which affected everything else or conversely. Who the fuck knows. Ugghhh. I’m over it. Truly I am over my marriage. Ask all of them.***There is a no turning back zone. They test me and test me and then poof. There it is and from that point on, nope…sorry. It was all a dream that’s gone now. I’m going off again on a tangent. Aren’t I?
***ask all of them. All my exes. Almost all the guys I’ve dated have wanted, still want more of me…except Kurt, but he didn’t want monogamy anyway so really. No point there…and he topped from bottom fucking constantly with his little boy and big boy tantrums. He was a beautiful pain in the ass. We weren’t D/s compatible though really…is what it comes down to. I’m realizing the importance of that now.
****I still like to carry that naïveté with me, not because I am blind. I can see. I just choose to see with my heart first. It’s not meant to be easy. It’s worth the pain though and the heartache. It’s the most beautiful pain you can imagine and I don’t mean this in a bad way whatsoever.
Talk about a good fucking headspace. God that I could remain there forever. Here forever. Hip Hooray for THC. Hip hip hooray for me. Thats right! I was lost but now I am found. Lol.
(I am not a Jesus freak. I’ve probably referenced Buddhism as many times as I’ve mentioned Jesus – especially in my spiritual blog. Religion means zero to me. Spirituality; exclusively. Maybe that’s unsettling to some people. I really never understood why though. It always seemed like some form of hypocrisy to me.)
Part of nothing and yet everything. (Mwahahahahahahahahaha).
Communication is so key to happiness and I need a level of communication most people don’t comprehend along with blinding honesty. Not sure which one of those two is the harder one. For me neither. For most people it seems both. (It’s not really funny to me).
I’m creating a playlist for the first time I try my sub sexually. God I can’t wait!!!
I wonder if I should stipulate no smoking cigarettes. I have asthma. I can not handle the smoke. Plus yuck. Cigarette mouth kisses? I’ll take sweaty ballsac taste and smell to that any day. Well. Actually. I like that smell and taste. Lol. Shhhhhh. Don’t tell anyone.