Frantic is all I can call it. If it wasn’t for pot and interval training I’m not sure how I would be handling all this. I’m not not having fun; it’s just not been easy. Don’t get me wrong though. This isn’t exactly tons of fun either. I’m just one of those people determined to make the most out of any situation. Call it bull headed tenacity. Sex would be helpful to alleviate the stress-load, add levity and feel those awesomely yummy serotonins. But alas….me and my hiatus.
Not that the text I sent last weeks lover deterred him one bit from contacting me again. If he had sent flowers as suggested maybe I would have thrown it his way again; but I have zero incentive right now either way.
I probably sound like a huge bitch with all these blogs. It’s so hard for me to tell how I come off sometimes. I really am not. I sometimes have high defenses up, but only because I haven’t had things easy my entire life. Not any one time that I can remember. When one aspect of my life was great others always faltered. I suppose such is life. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m doing the best I can here…and that counts for something; to me at least.
I ordered some fun sex games and toys for the red room which I think will actually be slate grey with red furniture and decorations. I can’t get too carried away with my expenditures. I do have 3 reservations though. So there is that.
Losing my kids and gaining a red room. Those are not equal. I’ll take my kids over a million red rooms but that isn’t my call to make right now. Homelessness helps no one. So. Enjoying the things I do have. Nothing else to do. Right? Maybe I’ll get a chance to use the room too…if I find the right person.