So I’ve decided effective immediately I’m going to start tithing 10% of my income. Granted I don’t as of yet have said income really but regardless any little bit I bring in will now go before expenses and taxes right to those I want to help.
For me that’s the homeless. Maybe because I’m so close to being one. Lol. No. Not yet. Thankfully. But I have been home deficient several times in my life bouncing around in a car or at peoples houses. That hasn’t been for decades but you never do forget things like that. It sucks!! Not knowing when or what your next meal will be. Not knowing if you’ll be safe at night. Not knowing what the next day brings in any capacity. I suppose some (like traveling monks) could see that as invigorating, but they live in a different culture where people are nicer to the destitute.
Anyway. Point. Yes.
I HATE when people help others in the way they want to help others and not in the way people need help. That’s just paying lip service to feel good about themselves and stop from feeling guilt or any other negative emotion surrounding it. It’s the worst kind of giving and really it’s more like a slap in the face to the people being helped. Even worse those that have means and chose to delight themselves with whatever toys and extravaganzas they want while turning a blind eye to those they know and see are suffering. All the while justifying it to themselves with the “someone else will help them” mentality or even worse the “they need to work for it” motto. One doesn’t know what others struggles are; what they have gone through and are going through in life.
It’s beyond comical. It borders on cruelty I think. The worst part is people aren’t acting with cruel intentions just pure selfishness and lack of compassion and regard. It’s the hypocrisy of thinking “I’m such a good person” and yet not really coming from a true place of benevolence, but more from a “this will make me feel good” stand point or worse turning a blind eye completely.
This is why I only give the homeless cash. Ok. Maybe it’s enabling but maybe it isn’t. Maybe they are going to use it for good. Maybe they’ll save it. Maybe they’ll share it. Maybe they’ll use it for some basic necessity. Who knows? Who cares? Whatever they use it for is their choice. That is what they need. That is what they are asking for. It is NOT my job to judge them. Yes it is my money, but I can’t pass people on the street that I see in need that I know I can help and not help them.
I can’t live in that kind of world.
Now….drum roll please.
Single mommyness is hard. So hard. Oregon has the most expensive childcare in the nation. Ugghhh. I could go on and on. Who cares? I don’t even care about the reasons why I find myself here as much as just trying to get myself out of this the best way I can think of.
I am starting my escort service up again. I guess I have to figure this out once and for all. In retrospect well… sure there are things I could have and can do differently. Does that even matter? If we’re looking to play the blame game then I rule that everyone involved along with everything that has happened played a part, and that of course includes me at the forefront. I would be an idiot to not see that aspect of it. But I’ve always hated playing that stupid game anyway.
Who knows what will come of this. I’m hoping something fun and positive. I’m staying open to the possibilities. I guess we shall see. This will definitely put a crimp in any ideas of dating I had I suppose.