“Holding out for a Hero” (Bonnie Tyler)

Okay the song is pretty exorbitant. Some of it at least.

“Where are all the gods? The streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?”
“Fresh front the fight”
“Larger than life”

I mean yes a girl can dream. This girl does dream.

Conversely I also like Regina Spektor’s “Hero” song. I don’t get the “original sin” reference which would make my Catholicism teacher break out the ruler for sure. Some things are better purged from my brain cells. I’ll leave it at that. I’m not curious enough to look it up as I can vaguely ascertain it I think. But I do especially love the

“I’m the hero of this story, I don’t need to be saved” part.

Why are we humans so conflicted always? Why is the human experience so complex and nuanced? Wish that I could just be “A Simple Man” (woman in my case of course) like Lynyrd Skynyrd sings about.

Ho hum…

Could I win the lottery? Marry filthy rich? (Why is it filthy?)  Find a great paying job to help support my brood while I build up my business? These are only three little roads of the many I dream about, but there are millions of paths in life and a single step, a single hesitation can lead me in a completely different direction. I know this for a fact.

So why then allocate so much time dreaming my days away? Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my brain and live exclusively in the moment. Engulfed completely In whatever I am doing from banal necessities to…well…everything else. Lol. But the brain is a difficult mechanism to shut down. Of its own accord it prefers to go into overdrive than go into sleep mode.

Frankly, I’ve decided I’m going to be happy no matter what comes for me, to me, at me. If not happy at the very least accepting and hopefully grateful.

I’m just missing my best friend. I have friends. I have people to bounce stuff off of. I have people to talk to that will genuinely listen and care. But I don’t have an anchor. Someone to take care of me in completely different ways than I will take care of them. To love me and shelter my heart in the way it needs and the person I can love and shelter in the ways they need. I have so much love to give and I miss having someone special to give that to. I ache for that desperately, but not desperately enough to settle.

Honestly I don’t feel I’m being unreasonable or stubborn here. I’m simply waiting to be overwhelmed. But I’m also wanting for it to come naturally, of it’s own accord and for it to be so easy and so moving to both his and my heart and soul that it is unquestionably meant to be.

See…not hard at all. Lol

Where could he be right now? What is he doing? What does  his day look like? What did he eat for dinner last night? What are his fears and aspirations? What keeps him going? I can’t wait to find out everything… and I do mean everything! I can’t wait for that door to open.

Now off to reality for a bit. These bills don’t pay themselves….yet. Lol

——

But you know…sometimes I think I just want to be Billy Joel’s “You May be Right” song character.  So many choices in life. Can I be them all?

Well….not all. Lol

(Okay girl…let’s get going!!)

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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