I am busy. Come 5pm I run out of batteries and a bath is the most work I can think to do after that time zone. I make exceptions for dates, friends, dancing, parties, sex and a few school activities for the kiddo’s. For the most part I tend to be home making dinner and getting nestled in for the night.
My brain effectively shuts off. Everyone knows not to even try to discuss anything of seriousness with me after this time because my brain is pretty much mush. Fun yes. Sure! Seriousness not so much. No!
So this leaves me at a loss for many things. Reading. Hobbies that involve brain cells. Thinking in logical patterns. It’s truly a wonder that I can even write; but the quiet of the night is the only time I can do it..so that is when it gets done.
So this Domme thing…well. Yes. I’ve been thirsting to be a domme before I even knew anything about BDSM. I started pegging my boyfriends before I even understood the symbolism that it held. It just comes very naturally to me and I can’t say why honestly. I won’t go as far as to say I manipulate people because that simply isn’t the case. I do tend to get people to do what I want but that also means giving people what they want. Which means I have to have a grasp on what their deep desires are and give them that so that they in turn can give me what I want and I do so lovingly. I do it with adoration. I do it wanting to give them what they want…ok…yes….maybe at a cost, but never one they can not afford to give.
I do this with everyone. It isn’t sexual per se. But….
I do love being a domme. I love being in complete power of my own sexuality and then completely dominating someone else’s sexual behavior. It’s fucking intoxicating as hell. I lust for it. Deeply!!
So why then do I not exert more energy into becoming one…not just any one of course; a great one. Why? Ugghhh. I don’t know.
I could give a million reasons but reality is I have not been sufficiently incentivized to do so and it isn’t a priority. I take more enjoyment from it than almost anything else I do yet without having a specific person to unleash it on I just don’t see the point. It’s like learning to paint and never having any canvas or paints to work with. Why would anyone do that?
Maybe if I start booking some Mistress jobs I will find myself in the circumstance of having to learn more; to dominate different personalities. Generally speaking though I find myself a good enough judge of character and deviancies in people to understand what they need.
I guess we will have to see how far that will carry me.
I do one day want a red room. I do enjoy the sexual aspect of playing. And being a Mistress is a part of me that I never want to lose, in fact I have it on my agenda to tap into the power more, to really find my Domme persona and bring her more to the forefront. Maybe only in a sexual capacity…maybe not.
Although truthfully I like myself exactly how I am. I like people to think I’m meek. I have no issue with that at all. When I need to be strong I am. The vast majority of the time. Crying is allowed. Fuck whoever says it isn’t. Lol. Digressing.
There is always room for growth in life. I want to be a fucking fabulous ass Domme. I would like to do that for one really special person but if it becomes a fun job hey….well then fantabulous. How many people can say that their sexual fantasies are their source of income, especially if we consider that it wouldn’t even involve sex?
Alright life. Incentivize me!!