Bringing sexy back

Women are sensual, beautiful creatures. I love being a woman. Brad accuses me of wanting to be a man. Yes. At one time I was pretty sure I would have preferred to have been born a boy. I’ve grown into myself and just accepted my reality. That’s not to say that I don’t applaud those that feel they want the outside to match how they feel inside. You do you boo!

It is strange to me how as a teenager I desperately wanted to be with a girl, even though I also thoroughly enjoyed fucking boys. In my twenties the thought of being with another woman was not that apealling anymore and even though I did try it one night while very drunk it wasn’t something I felt all that necessary.

To this day Ivy is the closest I’ve come to lust for a woman as an adult. That was fun….a hell of a lot of fun…but…there’s a barrier there. An emotional barrier where I don’t quite feel like my heart is safe with women. At least I think that’s what it is. I haven’t really put too much effort into it or questioned it too much since I have so much fun with men.

I do however find this woman intriguing, alluring and even mouth-wateringly sexy. Do I want to sleep with her? Nope. Not really. But I still find this blog showing her massaging her pussy lips just fascinating. I’m honestly not sure why she doesn’t have more followers. I find this so yummy to look at….but we all know I’m just one big perv. Lol

Baby button

I wish women had a baby button. A setting we could turn off when we don’t want any babies and turn on when we do. I realize we have contraceptives, but they present their own issues. I mean something completely natural and within the sole control of the female and no one else.

This world would be a different place if that existed. Of course then I can see women being blamed for infertility and surprises. Women obviously wouldn’t be the only cause of this…..but every solution presents new problems in life. Usually ones we never see coming.

I still think it would have been an outstanding thing……but wishing for things to be different is generally a very futile endeavor. Especially in this case where I’m talking about a master plan change that needed to be implemented a long time ago and from the very top. I don’t think God is asking for help here anyway. Lol

From broken to butterfly

I hope by now you’ve all seen the incredible comeback from gymnastics Kaitlyn Ohashi. She was an Olympic hopeful that didn’t qualify and decided to join the UCLA team. This was her comeback: A perfect 10, not only that but a move in her routine was so complex it wasn’t even in the rulebook. If that’s not fucking awe inspiring I’m not sure what is.

perfect 10

backstory

She credits finding her happiness for the sport again to her coach. I can’t look at her routine and not smile and feel life affirming.

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In my own life I have been blessed with the help of other people so many times I can’t even begin to count them all. Strangers have saved my life more than thrice. People that don’t even know me have changed the course of my life in positive ways and helped me be who I am. I am not a stand alone being, nor would I want to be. This life has added depth to it because of other human beings.

Yes I pray, I look to God. I believe in celestial entities. But I am nothing. I am no one. I wouldn’t be here today we’re it not for the help of the mortal beings that have surrounded me. People I can’t even thank have helped me in ways I can’t even begin to explain and for that I am ever humbled and grateful.

It doesn’t take much to make a difference in someone’s life. Trust me!

Compersion vs cuckholding

Brad has been trying to figure out why he liked seeing me fuck Kurt and why he enjoys the idea of me fucking my ex. He told me he used to masturbate to the idea of his ex-wife with her lover. But cuckhold didn’t seem to be how he felt. Once he came across compersion the lightbulb went on for him.

I like it much better as well. Humiliation and degradation is still a hard pill to swallow for me. I sometimes like it but mostly not. So compersion works better for both of us. See. Win/win. 🦋💋💖

Truthfully the more he wants me to sleep around the less I actually want to. Reverse psychology is real people. Lol. But I do want to play together with others and knowing he enjoys it too just makes me enjoy it even more. Could it get any better?

Now……his wife did leave him for this lover….but….he wasnt the man he is now either. I don’t think either of their emotional needs were being fulfilled. I think if you have intimacy and emotional satisfaction within your relationship then all play is just an augmentation to that. But I’m still learning as I go along too. Thankfully there are plenty of people ahead of me on this curb and I’m happy to have their guidance. 🙏🏽💖

Submission is earned, not taken and negotiation

I l ove the BDSM lifestyle and I don’t care what anyone thinks…. I loved the 50 Shades books. I loved Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty Quartet much better, but whatever. All good. What I think lacks in life (in general) is a lot of common sense.

I think sex, porn, lust, excitement can lead people down slippery slopes. But people can be fulfilled and still respect each others desires and wishes. It can very much be a win/win.

I always come back to this. If a man who wanted to cut off his penis and eat it could find another man willing to cut it off and eat it with him then all things are possible. I’ll have to find that story. It’s hysterical and true which makes it even funnier.

Here are some great articles from a very informative writer on BDSM. Maybe to some of you they are way past your barometer. But it’s good to review the basics. 😝 Here’s to many, many more good times. 🦋💋

dominance

negotiations

I believe these same precepts hold true for female dominants it’s just that most probably don’t need to be told this. I think so at least, but I’ve heard a couple ruthless stories about pro Dommes…..so who knows.

Dom me

I love being the dominant in the relationship. I always have. I always will. It’s just who I am.

I also like to read and respond to other writers on WordPress. I feel like when I talk to people one on one I sometimes can get through the barriers, but in responding to someone’s writing I feel people are much more receptive. I wish I could dialogue with writers and artists in person. I imagine a space for creatives to create and commune and debate and dance and be free to be their wacky desperate selves. That would be fun.

I was talking to a girl that loves hard: too hard for mortal men. It got me to thinking today that she has probably never loved a Dom man. A dominant man, much like a dominant woman eats up affection like oxygen in a fire. They not only need it, they demand it.

Obsession isn’t something that I see come up a lot in the venacular of BDSM. I believe because a lot of times it plays into the storyline.

Obsession to me is an integral part of how I love and expect to be loved. I don’t give two rats asses if it’s healthy or not. I don’t care what the psychological clarification of a good relationship is. They aren’t in my relationship. I am. My partner is. As long as we are on the same page and we aren’t harming others or each other (without proper age, desire and consent to do so😉) then go busy yourself elsewhere if it bothers you.

I don’t have to justify myself to anyone. Thank fucking God. Which let’s me be exactly who I am. Which gives me the freedom to go after exactly what I need. Which gives me joy. The journey is the adventure. May your journey be spectacular!

💖💋

Yoga, brat, bossy bitch, breaking up, foursome

I’m so glad I finally have time to go to yoga today. Also on list IRS paperwork. I just have to retrieve my great, great grandmothers dental records and other such obscurities but hey….. I’m gonna just keep playing along. Especially since I’m the one asking for clemency here.

Yoga here I come. Woot woot!

Plus it will knock this horny energy away. I don’t get to fuck Brad until later this weekend.

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Last night I had Brad take me to dinner. My favorite restaurant of course, not super cheap. I was craving their yummy charbroiled burger and duck fat fries. Once I got there though the steak sounded pretty good. So the waiter comes and I had forgotten to pick an entree. I couldn’t decide. So I asked Brad “who’s paying?” He said he was, maybe because I put him on the spot but probably not.

So I ordered the burger. He wanted to stop me as I was ordering to ask what I really wanted but I proceeded to get deep into the conversation with the waiter and ignored him. I told him later when he pressed that I probably would have ordered the steak had I been paying. I’m not saying that it’s the most financially reasonable choice but I can make those kind of decisions with my money.

I refuse to be a burden to him. He had -$63 in his bank account last week. And I saw him wire his daughter $300 an hour earlier. Look. I like being treated and lavished nice things on. Who the hell doesn’t? But not at anyone’s detriment. The only burden I want to take on is my own and even that I prefer not to take too serious. That’s how people have heart attacks…IMO.

Overall I guess I was a bit bratty in how it all transpired, although that hadn’t been my intention. I can laugh about it. Hopefully he can too.

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I don’t mind being a bossy bitch when I really need to be. I don’t want the role but when someone needs me to rise to it… and the cause merits it, I can do it.

In a relationship situation it comes easily. I don’t let my partner stagnate or give up, unless I see they just need some respite. I try to access each situation and provide the fire for the ignition as needed. I prefer not to be the bossy bitch, but sometimes it’s called for. It just is.

This whole making love thing is NOT one of those situations. I need to see his own initiative. I need him to really try. I can’t direct him here. I just can’t. I can try to redirect him with non-verbal cues, but we haven’t gotten there. He never seems to try or maybe I’m just not seeing it. There is definitely a huge disconnect happening here. I try not to get frustrated but sometimes I just can’t help it. I just can’t.

Being a bossy bitch isn’t my thing really, but sometimes it gets results when nothing else seems to. This can’t be one of those times. I guess we’ll see.

—-

I already told Brad and he knows I mean this. The next time he breaks up with me is going to be the last time. I’m not a fucking puppet. If I break up with him and he chooses to come back and work at it…. different story. It’s like how I feel about marriage and divorce. When I was married I never once uttered the word divorce because in my head when that words comes out it’s meant and I was very conscious of the severity of that. It was not a game or a tactical maneuver.

When I finally did utter the word we ended up divorced about a year later. I was at peace with it, even if it wasn’t what I truly wanted.

The same goes for relationships. I don’t threaten to leave until I really feel it’s a necessary thing to say…until I can see the precipice clearly.

“It ain’t over til it’s over” – Lenny Kravitz

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Brad says he definitely wants a foursome with a female not 2 males. Read: fun with another vagina. It’s hard to keep up with him. He’s so perverted. He surprises me when he leans into more vanilla play. He also keeps telling me he is going to bring a friend over to fuck me. It’s a hot as hell thought and I really want to indulge him and experience that but I have body insecurities.

Clothed I’m ok. Naked ummmmmmm…. sometimes….just depends how comfortable I feel. Who it’s with. A stranger with their judgement and porn ideals is too much for me to deal with. I don’t know if I can grant him this one. Maybe once I get to know the person and establish desire and acceptance. A foursome with another female presents similar problems in my head. A bit of dread.

It’s what I most love about being a Domme. When I leave the house as a Domme in my wig and attire I know it will all be in place the whole night because I dictate the entire event and when it comes off, which it has once, it is of my accord and well worth it to me.

Fortunately I can table all of this until after we make love and seeing that he has put very little effort into that I don’t have to trouble my pretty little brain with any of this right now. 😝