Not really an update as just a series of strange occurrences.
The latest of which is that someone keeps leaving cigarette butts on my gravel driveway. Too far for it to be thrown there and yet not all the way up to my gate. Actually right by my car door. I wonder if this is some kind of car fetish?
I say this because once (a long time ago) someone came (yes cum) on my car. On the driver side door. Now I’m not a forensics specialist but I’ve seen cum a lot and I know the squirt pattern and no I did not taste it but just trust me. It was cum. This was solidified by several more parties.
Sometimes I just can’t believe certain things myself; so I like to get second opinions just to make sure I’m not just being goofy. Anything is possible.
So I don’t know.
That’s it. I know my ex-husband does not smoke (he finds it repulsive, unless a chick he wants to fuck does it then it’s ok, and he also prides himself on never having smoked or done a drug his entire life; which to me is like winning a perfect attendance award….no one cares). So I know for a fact it is not him. Plus when I told him he expressed genuine anger, not feigned concern as one might had they been the instigator.
He even wanted to run through the list of possible suspects. I found that funny, especially since he gave me scornful looks every time my phone made any sound at all today. I’m broke and yet I am contemplating hiring help rather than having to rely on him any further. He has the nerve to say to me after a text tone (which was a client, no less)
“Why aren’t any of those friends (with major tone and insinuations towards men) helping you?”
And I said
“Because I don’t really have friends; because any man that would come to help would want to get laid or anticipate a start to something and I don’t whore myself out or lead people on”
And then I started to cry.
Why don’t I have friends?
Women my own age have almost always been rather horrid to me and I get the competition factor but….
They say to have a friend be a friend and I genuinely do try. Even the women whose company I enjoy sometimes look at me with jealousy.
Maybe because I’m generally happy; people seem to think my life is wonderful or I have something they are missing. Few people seem to get that happiness is always an option, no matter what is going on. And the moment I lose that I’ve lost one of my core values as a person.
Am I too pretty? Not trying to be facetious or full of myself here. Just in the sense that you can’t be pretty and nice and smart and….whatever else people think I am or genuinely am. Like God let me into too many lines and it just isn’t fair. I should be bitchy or have a lazy eye or something.
Have to find money to pay for help because God knows he probably expects/wants sex and/or more too. Ugghhhhh
Yea. Focusing on the positive. Aren’t I due for any miracles here soon please? Lol 🙏🏽❤️💋
OMG. Right out the gate this morning my phone starts going off. Text after email after update. Now I remember why I don’t have friends. I’m an introvert…mostly. I can’t handle a constant barrage. I haven’t even been up that long and I already want to crawl back into bed. Not to mention I’m just exhausted to begin with.
Gotta rally though today. Going to go into hibernation mode and ignore most everyone. I just can’t. Really just can’t. Way too much to do.
Sometimes it’s like I tell my kids “if you aren’t helping you’re making it worse”. Not purposely but they get it. I just need space!!!!
Ugghhh. Sometimes I don’t know why I say the things I do. I have met some lovely woman. Woman that are genuine and sweet and loving to me. Few and far between but they exist.
People are busy. Everyone has a life. I get it. I appreciate just meeting and knowing people like that. I appreciate the kindness. Friendship is NOT overrated. It just takes time. Which is hard to come by these days.
“Just keep it together man” – Monsters Inc.