Court of Ethics

I have been thinking of this a lot lately; even before this weeks events.

How corporations, government, manufacturers, scientist, doctors and so many people in general often behave as if ethics were a nuisance. They behave as if ethics were irrelevant. They worry maybe slightly about laws, but even then it is only in regards to avoiding consequences and not about having any responsibility to the people they rely on and /or support.

How do we counteract this very horrible issue? Well. My first option would be through embracing a true spirituality of actually caring for our fellow human, our planet, our own souls.

But since that’s too etherial for some people to materialize into actuality then maybe something as basic as a Court of Ethics is needed. This goes beyond the scope of the law into the murky waters of right vs wrong. Now obviously it will be flawed, but if certain base standards are set and if it has different levels of court, much like the law does now, and if there was a system in place for every corporation, governance, person, etc.

A basic code of conduct that then had a jury of peers as well. Where things could be handled at a person to person level or go all the way up to the highest courts available.

The five main principles of ethics are usually considered to be:
  • Truthfulness
  • Autonomy and informed consent
  • Beneficence
  • Nonmaleficence
  • Justice

So everyone and every business, government, all entities could be brought to justice for defying any code of ethical behavior.

It is unfortunate that we humans have gotten to the point where we can’t self control. We can’t self govern ourselves to be ethical simply because that is the most enlightened and richly joyful way to be in this life.

It is sad that we can’t see that the true fruits of happiness and the true valor of a person lie in these principals alone and not the idiocies we have attributed them to: power, money, status, looks, etc.

I don’t see this world getting any better until each person can adapt a code of ethics for themselves and not the hypocritical kind most people seem to have where “me and mine” get away with it, but not “them and theirs”.

I, myself, have lived through riots. I lived on the same block where store fronts came down, buildings were burned, the streets were full of violence. It was scary, but I knew what they were fighting for. They wanted a voice. They wanted to be heard. They wanted justice. Some took advantage. Some took all their rage out on innocent people. There were consequences to be had.

But these things do not happen in a vacuum. If we truly can’t realize we are better together, if we can’t realize that we all have pretty much the same core needs, wants and fears, that we all have the same feelings, dreams and aspirations, that we all want to be happy…. if we can’t come together to support each other and truly give a fuck about each other simply because it’s the right thing to do, it’s the right way to live, it enriches our life to do so, then I guess we have to create all new systems to do it for us.

Sad to me to say this but something really does have to change. Something truly drastic has to happen to really create equity for everyone in this world. To really let humankind flourish equally, humanely, justly.

The time for words is over. We must really change things for ourselves, for future generations, for the entire world. It has to start somewhere, at some time. So I say, why not now?



This blog is my lifeline to the world.

I don’t socialize much at all, even before this pandemic. I generally dislike small talk, as a whole. While I genuinely enjoy meeting people and engaging with them I tend to get burnt out pretty quickly and need to retreat to my own inner sanctum to recharge.

But here….. here I unleash myself almost completely. Sometimes I get uncomfortable being so open and other times it is such a deep relief to get things out in the open, like a form of healing and coming to terms with life. This is how I deal with my emotions, thoughts and fears.

It isn’t always pretty. It’s probably more raw than is necessary. It is definitely all over the place, sharing about; sexuality, spirituality, digestive/holistic health, single mom life, trauma, entrepreneurship, finances, on and on. I don’t have a large following. I don’t have a brand. I don’t try to be topical or relevant. I just try to be me. I just try to present myself authentically.

I’m so happy to have this forum to express myself honestly and unabashedly. There are things I can’t and won’t say because I don’t want to be held liable/libel. But I think for the most part you get a good idea of who I am and what my struggles are, and hopefully what my triumphs are.

This is my compendium. Thank you for being part of the adventure!!


“She deserves surprises and romance.” / A vacuum of fault

Henry Deacon – Eureka

Eureka is a sci-fi show from 2006-2012 that’s available on Prime. I’m almost through with the series. I’ve enjoyed it. It’s filled with all these scientific scenarios that seem probable and improbable at the same time. The characters are ok, I like some of the peripheral character actors alot. I miss Stark, who left in the third season.

Although, as I’m typing this I’m watching the show and here he is, back again. I thought I had read he left the series completely, so who knows if this is just a cameo. I would say that it amazes me that exactly as I talk about him he shows up. But it doesn’t. Things like this happen so frequently in life, it seems. It’s not even funny or noteworthy really. Right? Or am I not appreciating the sublime? 🤷🏽‍♀️


Nothing happens in a vacuum sealed chamber, with no causation.

Brad had been talking, back a little, about his (ex) wife cheating on him. As if that was the only issue that led to their divorce. As if it had nothing to do with him at all. I explained that she was probably unhappy in the marriage and without any resolution she proceeded to find solace somewhere else.

But that no person in a happy marriage goes looking to have affairs for no reason at all. She wasn’t a sex fiend. The affair she had led to her second marriage so it wasn’t just a hairbrained tactic.

This is not to excuse it. There is absolutely no excusing it. Emotional maturity, communication and honesty should be at the forefront of any relationship. So no, I wasn’t defending her actions. I was simply making sure he wasn’t giving himself a free pass to absolve himself of all fault there.

Although if after all these years he still hasn’t gotten to that himself, he probably never will. 🤷🏽‍♀️


Two things have to happen to save my house. I have to get out of arrears and I have to have a plan to pay my mortgage going forward. I would need a small cushion of a couple months to get myself on a manageable plan.

I know I can take on the loan modification with just a small loan of maybe $10k. Then I can do one of two things.

A) Split part of my profits with a naturopath who can script out my clients and oversee oxone therapy here in my studio. That alone with my already established client base should help me get enough people in the door. Especially if I supplement with eBay until I have the rotating clientele to sustain the business. I’m guessing with the right guerilla marketing it would be the key to success.

B) Pull out the equipment, and see about moving it into a doctor’s office. Meanwhile; rent out the main house to make a large part of the mortgage and us all move into the business studio. It will be cramped but it will keep us afloat and any work I get, be it eBay or any job at all really will be more than enough to get us through her senior year, at least.

Plan B would could allow for more financial ease, assuming I have a stable tenant. While it isn’t the ideal solution, I would be happy with it. And it’s a much, much better solution than being homeless.

I am hoping against all hope that due to the Pandemic the mortgage company will have some flexibility in letting me take on the loan modification, even though they cancelled it, or hope that the home savings loan will come through. That would be even better, since it will keep the mortgage at it’s current rate and allow me to save the capital I had made with the property.

But I would still need a small loan from somewhere. So much of all this is completely out of my hands. I will just have to keep working and clawing my way out of this mess as best I can. Hoping something comes through. Please God, let something come through.


Another day, another dollar fifty

I have clients booked the next 5 days, plus the 60 eBay listings ending this week. It’s nice to have some income coming in. It’s been a really bleak few months and worse yet; it looks like I don’t qualify for a PPP loan.

They’ve discontinued the FEMA disaster relief loans for self employed and I have yet to see if I qualify for (the special self employment) unemployment benefits. I applied over 3 weeks ago and have yet to hear back.

None of which is at all reassuring. I also applied for a few grants but who knows when I’ll hear back, one of them said by September. September!! 🙄🙄🙄

But I’m plugging along. Getting the things done I need to do, one step at a time. They are opening up the local yoga studio, but you’re required to wear a mask. It’s hot yoga. You can barely catch your breath without a mask. No way am I doing that.

I hope the gym doesn’t require them when it reopens. Because there is no way I’m wearing a mask to workout. Maybe it’s my slight claustrophobia or my asthma but I really feel I can’t breath with them on. I can handle it for a little bit. 30 minutes or so and then I start feeling slightly light headed, let alone trying to work out in one. Hats off to the people that have to work in them all day. Truly!

Overall I am pretty happy. Most people in my position would probably feel very stressed out with all this looming financial uncertainty and potentially moving to who knows where and who knows when. Losing my house, my business and everything I’ve worked so hard for, for almost 3 years now. The stability I was working so hard to achieve for my children and I.

But I have to keep focusing on the positives. I have to keep being thankful for what I do have. I have to keep my head up, my heart open, hope strong and lean in to whatever decent opportunities life opens up for me.

I still firmly believe everything happens for a reason. I still believe a lot in life is not about what happens to you as much as how you respond to it; who you are, your values, your actions, your ideals, what you stand for. And I have to keep moving forward doing the best I can and making the most of what is presented to me in this reality. Good, bad or indifferent; this is what I have to contend with.

And I’m ok with it. It isn’t perfect. Not even close. But it’s mine. And I’m going to choose to focus on the good and I’m going to keep trying to be me, authentically me. It’s all I can really be and that’s good enough. It really is.

And I’m going to try and leave this place a better place for having me in it. And maybe someone, somewhere, at some point in time will give me an A for effort… or maybe not. I’m fine with it either way really. Lol


I’m alright

In pain still but alright. Bladder infection confirmed, antibiotics ready to be picked up. Although I think the tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in a glass of water 3 times a day and drinking as much colloidal silver as I could has helped significantly enough to where I may not even need the antibiotics. I’ll still pick them up just in case.

It’s funny how my just in case has left me with quite an arsenal of antibiotics already. Generally speaking I go to the western medicine doctors to find out and confirm what I actually have. Even when I suspect and am pretty sure; I know it’s good to actually test sometimes. But I started my own protocols as soon as I was not feeling well and I think that helped enough to bolster my immune system significantly.

Next weekend I plan on going to the Mexican market and taking down the name of all the plants and herbs they sell. Then I’ll know what they are used for. We are so very lucky to have plant medicines available to us. It’s what’s been used for millennia after millennia and I don’t discount western medicine. I just hate it’s disregard for natural health and it’s toxic arrogance.

Anyway….busy day today. eBay shipping. Have to drive to Beaverton for a huge supply of packing peanuts.

My mom did my taxes for me for free. I can’t believe it. She’s never done that before. She let me input all the numbers on her software once and signed it. That was free. But never the whole thing. That was really nice of her and saved me at least $350. Even doing it myself with turbo tax cost me almost that much last year, by the time I opted for a review and insurance.


Last night I was home feeling sorry for myself. I watched Secondhand Lions. It was good, I liked it a lot. I surrounded myself with all the junk food I could find in the house and just moped.

I wanted to be pampered and baby’d. I wanted to be taken care of. But I knew Brad didn’t have it in him and who else could I call? He can fix my car, mow my lawn, buy me groceries and fuck me until the cows come home; but emotional support is not in his wheelhouse at all. If he would have come over I would have been catering to him and not vise versa. What good is that?

I really, genuinely like taking care of people. I always have. It’s why I like colon hydrotherapy so much. I have a strong urge to nurture, help, guide and love. It’s why when my kids were away I felt the need to go feed the homeless. It’s why before I had kids I did all the volunteer work I could. It’s an innate part of who I am and who I need to be.

But the point comes when I want and need someone to nurture me, and while it doesn’t come around all that often it is still a need I deserve to have met. That I have no one to do that for me is a bit sad, but at least I have no road blocks towards finding it. I am open now to the possibilities. Whether that be a community of great friends, a soulmate or something or someone I can’t even imagine right now. I have hope I will find it, someone or somewhere my needs are met.

I have me. I have my kids. I am at a place where I feel expansive and ready for whatever lies ahead.

I know in life, we are never alone and we are never the sole masters of our destiny. There are always people and circumstances out of our vantage that are helping move the cogs of our journey. I am hopeful that the future will be benevolent to me and my children. And hope right now is the greatest elixir of all for me.

God bless us all!